Would you please critique my poem….or rate it?

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Clear of the argent green leaves,
A figure appears.
Majestically guiding its way,
Through where air is unconfined.
Beckoning a soul comrade,
From beyond where all can see.
Disregarded on purpose,
His broken heart apparent.
Lowly he is perched,
Just out of harms way.
Solemnly he lowers his head,
A glistening tear falls to the ground.
Alas,
“You reap what you sow.”
“Karma.”
It is eventually felt by all.
Even, the Elk.

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Rhythan T

It’s not a terrible poem, but it’s not great either. The entire time, I’m reading and I’m trying to find where we are in this story, or telling of real or fictual events, and I am just lost the entire way. My recommendation is change or add some things to give the reader a bit of a clear sense of what they are supposed to know or understand or feel by reading this, and I do not mean, by any means, dumb it down. All I am saying is, even if every word is eloquent, and fanciful, you need to have it structured in a way that don’t seem like fragments, and thoughts just randomly floating around, unless that is exactly the plot of your concept in a poem, or any piece of literature. I suppose this is both my critique and rating. Just keep at it, and don’t take anything personal, but look at is an accurate observation you can use to portray your ideas the way you want them portrayed.

jilibean22 Best Selling Author

Well it sure caused wet weather here in Idaho! Damn woman…I need new clothing now! Nicely done!

Aspira

Not bad, doesn’t seem to have much of a point though so you may want to focus on that. Maybe the karma message is resonant in this.

Malibu Ken V

You have so aroused my spirit, mind, and body that I am placing a long distance booty call to Jilibean in the hopes that she may receive my warmth and in turn, satiate me. This is one of the most powerful works of erotic fiction that I have read this year. Bravo!

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