The cosmic chicken in my head is screaming my name and telling me what to do. I don’t like being told what to do. Especially by some chicken. It keeps telling me to eat my crusty boogers so I can go to the magical place where all the little puppies go. I wish I had a puppy. I would name him Barf.
So now as I type this I have a screaming chicken in my head (very distracting) and a booger waiting for me on my index finger (makes it hard to type).

What should I do?

Should I flick this cosmic booger into the netherworld and watch it flame into eternity where all the cow gods live?

Should I use it to develop a mind-control serum that will enable me to infuse the space-booger into my chicken’s consciousness and control him?

Should I get a rolling pin and spread it out until it’s a huge paper-thin material, and use it for emergencies when I need a parachute?

Or should I feed it to my rabid cat who surfs through the ethers on a churro?



  • You SHOULD…dig a hole…about 4 feet in diameter and 10 feet deep….then slowly…just slowly start to refill the hole while maintaining your position in the middle and bottom of the hole you have dug. While enclosing yourself in the healing ground of mother earth chant this rhyme “I love it so I love it so, you booger that I can’t let go, So if in fact I shall receive, I’ll rid myself of life indeed!” Remember to scream this out in the most lovely way you can 100 times or until you are completely covered with dirt inside your hole of heavenly earth. If you surface before the next day all will be voided so you will have to start over by digging yet ANOTHER hole…so try to stick to the first one.

    Good luck! and bark quack howllllllllllllllllllll to you.

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