Why do some people think that love will complete them or help them find themselve?

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Although I admire and respect your romantic view point, I do not agree with it or operate my life on this premise.
I believe that the only person who can find there true self is yourself. I do not rely on any other person or entity for my voyage of self discovery or being.
Also I do not believe that a person is require to “find themselves”. I believe we already have that within us – we are, I am, life is and that is the sum of it.
There is no finding, only being, the purset state of consciousness beyond thought.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy people, things, situations………..while they last, and I learn from them but I never rely on them.
I live in a state of non-attachement, and this has brought a lightness and joy to my life which I cannot describe in words. It is a kind of nirvana, a heaven on earth. I accept and thrive off the impermanent nature of the universe.
I see it as a kind of crazy cosmic dance, the world constantly rearranging around ourselves –
ego attachement to this world is a form of insanity and the main reason for human suffering on our planet. The world revolves, while I stay still
I am not judging anybody, I am trying to understand a concept which is alien to me. Which is why the first sentence said I respect and admire your view. I specifically put this there to prevent comments like the first one.

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well everyone wants different things from life. I prefer singleness and the personal journey but most people have the drive to have a family in order to feel complete so just because you disagree does not mean they are wrong and you are right. every human being is different in their needs and wants, in their spirit, mind and soul and what works for you may not work for another.
you don’t operate your life on the ‘usual’ premise. Neither do I but neither do I judge nor put forward my views publically giving the vague feeling that I am looking down upon the views of others.
live your own life in whatever makes you happy.


I agree with you. I also don’t get it. I asked a question similar to yours and got some rather enlightening responses. Cheers!


It is interesting that the notion of love or at least romantic love only exists within cultures that cultivate it – for example after the knights templar the whole knight in shining armour who sweeps a damsel off her feet comes into play with the subsequent romantic associations that follow.
I agree that it is folly to think that another person can complete you as an individual and even believe that it is often unrealistic to think that love can be sustained over a life time.
These ideals are however reinforced as being the desired aim within our own culture from a very young age and particularly for girls/women, all fairy tales end with the girl being completed and living happily ever after after finding her prince, all girls toys usually have 2 themes..on the one hand helping her to be a decoration – in order to attract said prince and on the other requiring her to be a carer..
In teenage years girls listen to endless boy bands singing about how she is the only one for them and how much they love her etc etc.. Teenage boys on the other hand are often only increasing the shares in mansize tissues and the contrast in approaches to the same basic biological need – namely to forward ones own genes – is marked.
Sure you and I are more detached I guess than most but even we can see the merit in what is just a cultural expression of an evolutionary drive, historically/culturally/anthropoloigcally it may vary – but basically people are driven to have sex together and the notion of love is tied up in this.. for women, love can mean that a partner is more likely to support offspring, provide for her/them and be there for her. For men it can mean more liklihood of paternity and a chance to ensure offspring survive until adulthood..
So there it is – no easy answer and no easy one size fits all solution..
Some people are just more socialised than others and perhaps are able to more often triumph hope over actual experience…
All the best – great Q


I agree,the ever changing universe.
Derive your own happiness from within.
Easier said than done though.
Happy you have found your inner bliss.
I`m still searching…….


People are needy.
Especially the people in our world today.
They are so used to getting everything they want, that they become needy of others.
There are only a few people who undertsand, that the true you will be found by yourself. If you rely on others to help find you, when they are gone what would you do?!?
We all need someone to love, but relying on them for everything can be dangerous.


You opened the floor for responses – even if they may not support YOUR belief. I’ve loved twice in my life and what the experiences taught me, was what I was capable of. This is an experience that cannot be learned any other way – not from taking a class, reading a book, or learning of someone else’s experience. It’s a very personal journey – the kind I’m extremely grateful for because it helped awaken me to parts of me I had no idea existed because like you – I tend to live in my intellect.
I also live in a state of non-attachment and believe I step lightly on this earth, not requiring much and yes, it is very peaceful. You’re acknowledging your part in the universe which is being just a teeny-tiny (unimportant) faction of the whole scheme of things. This though, has little to do with the ability to learn how to open yourself up – render yourself vulnerable, and truly love another human being.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all because not only do you give – but you receive – knowledge. And for us folks who live in our intellect, receiving knowledge is what it’s all about.

pretty flower

you obviously have not been in love if you think you have you havent
as the person you are in love with changes you to become even a better person than you were if that is possible and they bring out the best in you


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