Home Discussion Forum Why are people getting mad at me for not seeing my mom...

Why are people getting mad at me for not seeing my mom in the hospital?

It’s not like she’s going to die anything, it’s an infection that is almost treated.
Other than that, I have told everyone my reasons.. but they still get pi$$ed at me and take up for the old hag.
Reasons: my dad/her husband died 2/07 and she made a lot of careless remarks and never shedded a tear, she has also never told me she loves me, has never hugged/kissed me, wrecked my car and denied she owed me anything for it, convinced me to finance my own xmas present (computer) in place of my computer that she killed.
She never paid on my computer after its arrival. I also used to drive her over 40 miles a day for work when she didn’t have a car, but for me to borrow her car for school she charges $10/day plus gas.
**She didn’t raise me either. She was too high on drugs to realize CPS took me to my aunt’s house 3 hours away.


  1. If you can live with your decision…..then stay home with your computer.
    You could benefit from some personal counseling….you’re carrying a lot of baggage and it must get very heavy at times.
    This really about you….not your mother.

  2. Your relationship between you and your mother is your business.
    There are obviously issues between you that only the 2 of you know about.
    Tell them to mind their own business.

  3. People are going to always give you their opinions on crap especially when they think that you are doing something wrong. So just ignore them. You and your mom need to go to some family therapy though. Get some professional advice and not just the advice of people who want to tell you how they think things should be

  4. Your mother is still your mother…it is best to make up because you will live with guilt if you don’t. My mother was VERY abusive. My father molested me, and she chose him over me. She was also schizophrenic. Yep, she made a lot of mistakes as well, but she is and always will be my mother. Don’t hold a grudge no matter what she has done to you. I made up with my mother, but I am not close to her. I do visit her and am always respectful to her because she is my mother.

  5. One of two reasons. 1) They just don’t get that you have a tumultuous relationship with your mom and do not get (or want to) that she has been a negative influence in your life, so much so that it is probably healthier for you to keep your distance. 2) You’re being overly dramatic and using her as a scapegoat for your pain of her treatment and your dad’s death. Either way, if people keep bothering you politely state your reasons or tell them it’s a private family matter. They should at least respect your wishes to be left alone about it if they don’t agree with them. And maybe you should seek out counseling to help you cope with your dad’s death and mom’s abuse. I’m sorry. 🙁

  6. She’s your mother. She gave you life. She raised you. She changed your dirty diapers and kept your ungrateful asss in clothes and food.
    “Healthy” people die in the hospital all the time.

  7. I think that some people are so invested in the fantasy mother/child relationship that they can’t stand anything that threatens it. Of course, people don’t suddenly become wonderful people just because they reproduce.
    There’s a saying that goes something like, “I have to be nice to my kids, they’ll be choosing my nursing home.” It’s only a joke, of course, but I take it to mean that how you treat your children is how they’ll learn to treat you. If you want loving children, you’d better be loving parents. No one deserves love if they’ve done nothing to deserve it.
    On the other hand, she is your mother, so you might want to find a way to keep her in your life, but not allow her to cause you any more pain. For instance, you might consider limiting your contact with her to situations that won’t have an emotional or financial impact on you. You know what kind of person she is, the kinds of things that you can reasonably expect from her, so don’t buy into the fantasy mother/daughter relationship yourself. Realize that she’s just a human who has her own past, and probably her own pain that she’s not dealing with, which is why she passed it on to you.
    Try to learn from this, and not pass this pain to the next generation. Don’t let this kind of parent/child relationship become a “family heirloom.”

  8. Why do you have anything at all to do with this person. It sounds as if both of your lives would be enriched tremendously if you stayed away from each other. You didn’t choose her as a mother, she didn’t choose you as a daughter. I’m sure you both would have been happier to have someone else.
    Stay away, tell any nosy people to BUTT OUT, it is your life and not theirs. As a matter of fact, even surrender your visiting time to the nosy people and they can stay an extra hour.

  9. She may have messed up alot in life—but the thing is-u only get ONE mother.You need to forgive her before something does happen to her.You’ll never forgive yourself otherwise! Just because she messed up doesn’t mean u have to. Be the bigger person—go visit your mother.

  10. I fully agree with you If my mom did that to me I’d of leaved her and let her destroy her life if she didn’t give a damn care about me.

  11. It has been said that you can’t pick your family. I don’t agree. I think you can also UNpick them. It sounds like you’ve done just that. It’s not easy to face reality about a parent who is not worthy of your attentions. But the smartest thing you can do is get on with your life and let them do as little damage to you as possible. Sounds like you’re managing just fine. 🙂

  12. I wouldn’t visit her either and I would tell all those people who are giving you $hit to mind their own business. Forget all of them and move on.

  13. It’s considered a social taboo to not care about what happens to one’s own mother, regardless of how she treated you. This is why people are getting so upset.
    Personally, I think they’re in the wrong. Even if you didn’t give the reasons for not wanting to see her, no one has a right to judge you harshly for feeling the way you do. You feel how you feel and that’s all there is to it! However, with the reasons you gave, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to see her. If my mother treated me half as bad, I wouldn’t want anything to do with her. People say that you need to love and respect your parents no matter what. I disagree. Love and respect, even from one’s own children, needs to be earned. Your mother didn’t earn them.
    There’s an old saying: “You reap what you sow.” Your mother didn’t give you the love and nurturing you needed (still need), obviously uses you, and goes back on her word, so she must deal with the consequences. In this case, those consequences are your absence from the hospital.
    When people start giving you grief over this decision, which is fully yours to make, tell them you do not wish to discuss it further and end the conversation. If they keep talking about it, be prepared to hang up the phone or walk away. It’s called setting a boundary and enforcing it. It’s your right as a human being.

  14. It’s your situation so I can’t say but it sounds as if it’s not a big deal. If you don’t want to go to th hospital then don’t. It aslo depends though on the circumstances. Is it far away? Does she want to see you? Will she treat you with respect when you come? Is she suffering? Would you want to see her if you were in the hospital? She’s your mom and you think about it. If I were you I would think about how you’d feel if she didn’t come to see you in the hospital.. Would you be sad or not really care?
    I really do hope this helps and learn to forgive your mother even though she hasn’t treated you well in the past. 🙂


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