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Who can relate to this poem I wrote? And what you think about it?

Submerged in a pool of someone else control
They’re taken my emotions and imprisoned my soul
Forgetting my identity I âm mechanical from head to toe
Waking up in a cold sweat and afraid of my own shadow
Another life that lives in my subconscious mind
One that keeping me awake with the silence of the night
Visions of disorder flowing through my brain
Having to convince myself I âm not going insane
Writing poetry is what you feel is not a rule and feelings have no rules…
you don’t understand it..and act like you know everything who cares about ur war..if you took the time to answer this than..is worth some time to you..now go back to your WAR!
Whoever say’s ignorance has anything to do with..bad words..is self expression…and that is my SELF EXPRESSION..Mr KNOW IT all..
ignorance is a bliss..and your to kind..to comment on my sense of humor on poetry IRONIC..


  1. I am truly convinced that you are a convicted emo or you are insane. But on the other hand, you could be bored…or it could have been something else. I don’t know.
    I can’t say I can relate to it. I am flexible and made of weird things and I am not afraid of my shadow, but I do contain 12 other people in my head(inside joke).
    I think it’s really great though.
    It makes me think of System of a Down. lol

  2. I think this poem is a representation of the stress you feel about your fears. It’s very moving and dark.
    I want to tell you something about dreams, Okay?
    Your brain uses dreams as a means by which to relieve itself of thoughts and emotions which take up too much room in your memories. It’s a self-defense mechanism.
    This is going to sound a little coarse and vulgar… Read on.
    Sometimes, when you are feeling bad physically, running a fever maybe, bellyache maybe and you don’t have an appetite for food,
    you’ll try to sleep it off or soldier through it until you feel better.
    Occasionally, if you think about it, your body stores up too much waste. Your brain works the same way, it runs your body you know. Well you might all at once have to go running off to the bathroom to go # 2..
    You’ll take a burning hot poop and all at once be cured of your ailments, you’ll feel better.
    Your brain does this by dreaming, good or bad. Nightmares make you wake up and say to your self, man I’m glad that was just a dream.
    I hope you don’t have too many more nightmares
    Good luck.

  3. I love your poem, it is very thought provoking. If its any help YOU are sane …only the truly sane will question their own sanity ,the insane never consider their own madness!! keep up the good writing…

  4. There is no reason to use profanity in poetry, no excuse but that of pure ignorance. Only someone without a vocabulary uses profanity in anything, and at least 1 person was honest enough to tell you this is not poetry. Go ahead and believe all the ones who lie to you for the possibility of 10 points, but I know, and you probably do to, that you have little or no idea what poetry is.
    Poetry is:
    Words arranged to convey a story or thought in such a manner as to have rhythm aka. meter, aka. flow.
    This flow is what makes poetry easy to read and understand.
    Poetry may or may not rhyme, that is a choice of the individual.
    Poetry is not a lot of pretty words joined, it is a lot of words joined prettily.
    Nuff free lessons for now.
    Nice essay, by the way.
    But not poetry.
    As for nightmares, yeah I can relate. 20 odd years of them after returning from Viet Nam.

  5. dondi. I admire your critique always. I myself have very little patience when I see profanity but sadly its part of the subculture and sometimes conveys a meaning otherwise lost.
    As far as the poem/prose, silence of the night implies no thought but you are full of thought albeit not your own. But I likes the last 2 lines..wishing you had written upwards from those 2 lines…
    Also typos loose ones train of thought. Do a once over before you submit. I got stuck on line 2 trying to figure out what you meant


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