Home Discussion Forum what should I do??? I love him but does he love me?

what should I do??? I love him but does he love me?

I am so sad now, very sad, I don’t know if I am really stupid or I am just too insensitive… Last time I was spending a vacation with my bf we we’re okay and he was so sweet and so caring to me, but these past few weeks he rarely emailed me, but before that he told me that he will be with his mom for a vacation, so I was patient waiting for him to email me (since this is only the way he’s reaching me, even though he has my number, he only calls me when he planned to see me or spend time with me, and never did he gave his number to me, and if he did gave me his number when I tried to call IT’S OUT OF REACH,) but then I was thinking when he was spending his vacation with me there’s never a day, never a night that he sat in front of his computer emailing or even chatting to somebody, it’s not that I am jealous that he spends time with his mom, actually it’s good that he spends time with his mom, just that, why can’t he send me an email, even just saying Hi or hello…then I got an email from him saying he has no news for me that’s why he don’t write me, this is not acceptable, In a normal relationship do boyfriends talk to there girlfriends when they only have news? What about having a normal conversation? Or a nice talk?
Long I have been patient about our relationship and yes I have mistakes and more of them are complaints, but I just complain because of his lack of communication towards me, Sometimes he makes me feel that he loves me too but most times he makes me feel that I am just someone he will want when he only needs me, a past time, or someone he would want when there’s nothing else to do which leads me to confusion and to a question that Who am I in his life? A part time girlfriend?
I tried to tell him our problems, but he always find a leak to put all the blame on me, then tried to break up with him because I am only hurting myself more but he always manages to blame me for all the bad things in our relationship which can only leads me to regression…
This is my first time to fall in love but it seems that I can’t get love from him the way I want to, although I know it’s not good to ask something in return because love is free and it is not something to ask but it’s something to gain… But how can I gain his love? What else should I do?
Does he love me? Or I am just making myself believe he does…
I know I can’t MAKE someone loves me, but in our case I am very confuse… Plucking petals and memorizing the HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT, does not work as simply as it shows LOL…
We are very far from each other, and in spite of all the troubles we have, we’ve reach this far, almost two years now… And this is what makes me very confuse, if he loves me or not…
I was 24 when I fell in love with him, which was strange because, I never really actually find interest in any guy even in my school and place as much as I am with him… It was amazing at first, and amazing that I always keep up my hopes for us, amazing that no matter how much shortcomings occur I am still willing to love him, I can control my mind, but not my heart, it’s hurting…
Thank you all for answering my question, I badly needed a lot of advice…

12 COMMENTS

  1. I don’t think he seems to be treating you very well. Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess by their love. If they aren’t they shouldn’t waste their time.
    My boyfriend and I talk everyday. I don’t know what the distance is between the two of you, but I don’t really think that matters.
    He’s not paying you enough attention. I think it’s time to light a spark under his ass. Either he starts treating you the way you deserve to be treated, or you walk away. And hold to that threat. Be strong. Otherwise you are going to continue to be unhappy. And that’s not fair to either of you.

  2. You sound like a really loving girl….and you deserve someone that gives what you give in the relationship….so don’t settle for less! I don’t think he loves you the way u love him….

  3. how far away do you live from each other? and for that matter, how often do u see each other, i know you may not want to hear this, but no teenage guy is going to have a relationship on a computer. . i know its mean, but its really the truth. because the guys that do have a gf on the comp. are the ones that cheat or dump you as soon as they meet someone closer. im soory for your pain, and maybe im wrong on this, but try and find a guy closer to you. plus he seems like a jerk to you anyway.

  4. you don’t need to wait around.that’s not right.a woman never waits on a man.most men are jerk’s.get you’re self a real man that waits on you only.

  5. i simply think hes a bad bf..honestly.
    find someone better. move on.
    my bf and i talk all day everyday. sometimes about nothing at all..or jus stupid shit that we find funny.
    i think he wants you to think that he loves you but then acts like he doesn’t. maybe he’s trying to lie to himself and tell himself that he loves you and really doesn’t.
    honey, jus find someone who will treat you better and will honestly love you. you can live without him.

  6. I had the same problem with my first Girlfriend, All I ever wanted from a smile of a hug though and she rarely gave that. Don’t let him blame anything he’s doing to hurt you on you. he doesn’t care enough to listen than he doesn’t care. I would have liked to say that me are not ones to speak there feelings. but the least he can do is listen. just end it and move on. you will find someone who does care about you enough to listen.
    (Not me, I’m taken)

  7. ok, first things first…how old are you? And if this is the first time you’ve fallen head over heels over a man, and felt hurt by his rejections, welcome to the club! Lesson #1: Men, if interested will always make the first move, whether it’s for only sex, wanting to understand you, or really wanting a relationship with you. Lesson #2: Never, ever, ever…feel second in his life, especially if it’s a fresh relationship. If he’s got obligations, you should know them like if they were yours. If he has email, a phone number, you should have all this…and if he’s your boyfriend, he should be talking to you a lot so that you can understand him. Don’t feel like you should guess, and when in a relationship it takes two people to mess up…not put the blame on the other, for the sake of keeping that person in check. Lesson#3: when it gets to the blame game, and he’s not opening up to his faults…then it’s time to say good-bye. I’m sorry but you’re prolonging the inevitable, and if things were going to work out, then you would have had that special relationship talk already. No excuses.

  8. I am wondering how old the two of your are…….. If you are both very young maybe you all are not ready for a relationship. He sounds like an immature, uncaring kid under age 25. If you and he are under age 25, there you have it. Chalk it up to immaturity. Call it distant friendship. Maybe someday when and if he grows up you two will meet again.
    If you and he are adults, is he a very busy MD or lawyer, or member of some other professions/occupation, who is TOTALLY consumed by his work? Sometimes things are like that with people of either sex who are in certain lines of work. The bottom line here seems to be that you twp do not have a real relationship as it stands now. From the way it sounds he could even be married to someone else. Men who cannot provide their girlfriends with a phone number where they can usually be reached or where a message can be left are highly suspect of being married men. If it IS his mom he is hanging out with so much and he is adult, that is odd. Why can he not take you along too and the both of you hang out with her together with her? A good mom is going to want her son to have a full life. If he has to be totally consumed by his job, maybe he has a personality disorder like OCD or is not actually competent / confident in his job skills. If he is building a business empire single-handedly, more power to him but ask him to let you help. It does not sound right or normal, and certainly is not good for you. Something does not ring true. Tell him how your feel. Show him your Yahoo question and the answers you got. You two start talking. Find out what you have in common and build on those things. Find out who he is. Tell him who you are. And set some limits, like maybe communication at least once a day by phone for ten minutes and more on his days off or else “bye bye”. If he will not comply with reasonable requests for more communication insist on knowing why.
    If he is for real and leveling with you, you two need to spend more time together and build a relationship. At some point in the future when you actually may possibly have a real relationship going, if there are still problems, then perhaps seek counseling together. But at this point it would be like asking a stranger to go to counseling with you. I have actually heard of busy MD’s and lawyers who act like this. But it is extremely abnormal and unhealthy and if you cannot get him to be a more present and caring person in your life, dump him and get yourself a real boyfriend. You sound very sweet. Find yourself a new sweetie if this one will not tow the line or a least give you a plausible explanation of what is going on. Most men have a sex drives that motivate them to seek out female companionship. Does he lack that or is the seeing other women? or is he gay and you are his occasional beard? You deserve better. As it stands now your home life, if you two actually married, would be like living alone. Any kids you managed to have would never see their dad. Not good. If you really want him you’re are going to have to train him. He needs a fair amount of training. But first he has to care enough so that that can happen. Right now it doesn’t sound like he cares enough. Be sure you really want this guy before you put your life into him. He may not be the pick of the litter. A rule of thumb I have hear it said that in normal human relationships [whatever those are] the sexual and other attraction usually produces commitment and a pregnancy within a year and a half. After that you are running on borrowed time as the glow is off the lily or whatever. Of course everyone is different and different can be wonderful or not. Good luck!

  9. Aloha,
    I am going to take time to answer your question more fully about your bf. So I can give you the best advice possible. that being said, however, it sounds like he is self involved. The fact that he has your number but hasn’t given you his tells me, he is keeping you away at arms length. He is not really seeking closeness with you. He mat not have access to a computer, but if he does and he hasn’t sent you a little note saying Hi, thinking about you, hope you are well (or anything like that) seems to me there is a lack of sincerity to his side of the relationship. In a normal relation as you said this would happen, In a loving relationship there is even more desire on both peoples part to communicate.
    Please, don’t make the mistake so many of us have and let your feelings drive you, feelings change they come and they go, they are influence by a multitude of things as small and simple as a certain scent (that reminds of something good, our health, our stress level, did we have good news about something that day Etc… So many things can influence feelings. Don’t let them control your situation, in the end they will make you feel miserable, as I suspect they are making you feel now. They make you feel like a yoyo (am I right).
    His blaming you is a very convienent think for him to say that keeps him from putting effort into a relationship he really doesn’t want. He wants the physical part only, but not any of the emotional, mental or kindness that goes along with it. You maybe in love, but sweetie he is not.
    There is an old saying a man will play at love to get sex, a woman will play at sex to get love. This man is not good for you. You deserve better, the sooner you cut ties with him the better for you. I know it is hard, but he’s going to do it eventually after he is done with you. There are a lot of great guys out there who would love to have someone like you, You are a beautiful sensitive talented intelligent young lady and you should be wise when you seek your new boyfriend. Cut this one free, he is only misery for your future and it will affect your next relationship badly if you hang on to him much longer.

  10. okay sooo a few questions… do you guys live in different area’s ?? how long have u been dating?? Has the communication always been like this or just all of a sudden?? I know for me i believe in horoscopes and astrology soo i always look up what sign someone is befor taking things any wear…. that way u get a good understanding of that person an how they are… its crazy how dead on that stuff is…. what makes u love him the way he is or the way he was….. but one thing i can tell u is that he definitly knows what to say to you if he always makes it feel like its ur falt… thats what my ex always did…. an it just fucked with my head…. thats not good!!! i do have to say tho, i am talking to some one and we live two hours away an we email mor then talk, but its prolly more my falt, but i do email him to tel him that im thinkn of him, or that i hope he has a good day…. but i never really talk to him…. im kinda the same way i dont call people unless i have something to talk about or its just dead silence an i cant stand that shit…lol…. but then again i dont love him…. but i am talking to some one else an i talk my freakn head off to him about anything… but me an him have a different type relationship… its weird i love the guy that i email but thats just like i have love for him because iv known him for hella long an the othr guy im falling in love with because i feel like i can talk to him about anything and i feel like he understands me…. but her both outa reach soooo hear i wait and still do my own thing….okay im kinda blabbing my bad… but back to you…. lol….. you should beable to talk to ur man with out the tables being turned… but my best advise is dont seem too needy guys hate that, and dont say u need ta do this, or this is unexceptable…. just tell him how u fel in a nice way so u look like the victum….lik ya know something like…… baby i really care for you and want our relationship to suuceed but i feel like…………….
    hope that helps…. but dont for get to look up what sign he is, and do a love match on both ur signs….

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