Home Discussion Forum What should I do about abusive co-worker?

What should I do about abusive co-worker?

I work with this old, overweight, obnoxious and loud trashy black woman that feels the need to tell people that they are ugly, don’t dress well, etc.
She says these things just like I typed, she doesn’t even bother to hint.
No one hates her though because they all believe she is just “messing” with people or just trying to “push buttons.”
Why can’t people see her for the vile person she is?
What is more amazing is this woman is an ugly, ghetto hag herself. Where does she get the nerve?
How does a person handle someone like this? (And believe it or not I don’t work at McDonalds).
I wish I had done something to make her mad at me. Because the whole thing is so confusing.
I told my boss and she is the one who told me that this very popular co-worker couldn’t have possibly meant it.
I’m not the only person she calls ugly either.
Maybe I am hoping that she will stumble upon this question so I don’t have to put her in her place in person.
I have been ignoring her for months, but it still hurts so much that I feel like I have to do something.
I’d quit, but in these economic times…
I don’t want to make this any more confusing, but I guess one reason why I haven’t plotted revenge is because on same days she is cruel and other days she says things like “ooh girl you look like a model” or when I was interviewing for a job in another state she said “you’ll get it you are smart and once they see what you look like…”
But none of this makes up for the cruelty.


  1. This is so unprofessional it disturbs me and I don’t even work there. Tell whomever is above her and get the biotch fired, immediately. It’s inappropriate and no one should have to put up with that.

  2. You talk trash about someone who 1) isn’t here to defend herself and 2) is someone no one here knows and 3) we don’t know the real story.
    It seems YOU’RE the abusive one.
    Don’t act like your poo don’t stink.
    If she bothers you that much, just tell her that at times her behavior bothers you.

  3. You have to stand up for yourself and just fire back at her with what you think. Just joke back at her and act like it doesn’t really bother you.

  4. Ignore. Kill with kindness and whever she starts in, sing that Justin Timberlake song in your head. It will make you smile.
    “What goes around comes around goes around comes all the way back around.”

  5. Try to tell her that it’s just downright rude to do that. If it gets ugly, you know the pointing long nails stuff, head for her weave.

  6. I would plain tell her she is offensive and you find her comments degrading and improper for the work place. Try to say this in front of a coworker. Or if you are devious like I am… then tape record it. If she continues the same behavior after repeatedly telling her to stop her offensiveness in your presense. then take the recordings of what she says and you asking her to stop to management. Ask to file a formal complaint. that way its on record that you are seeking it to stop. if they do nothing and it keeps going on then go to the states equal opportunity board. they take care of neglegent employers in taking care of situations such as harrasment or things along that nature.
    Good luck.
    I know how hard it is with harsh mouthed employees.
    I always just got up and left the area. eventually the foul mouths got the hint and would talk more decent around me without further actions.

  7. you should interupt her and be like oh my god your moustache is beautiful in this lighting or the color of your shirt really draws attention away from your giant ears
    wish i was there with you

  8. Don’t speak one word to her. Literally just look at her with a blank stare when she says anything like that.
    You could also leave a note on her windshield, typed on the computer so she won’t recognize your handwriting, that says “If you don’t shut the f— up, and quit talking ugly about people, I will cut you.”

  9. you may be too sensitive for your own good , and not that this isnt offensive but if you hate it that much, just say to her next time:
    “not everyone appreciates your comments so if you have nothing of a professional nature to say to me then keep your comments to yourself”
    “everyone else may appreciate your wit, but I don’t have to put up with it. there are laws about the things you’re allowed to say to people in the workplace and you better find out what they are on your own before i have my lawyer explain it to you in court !
    are we clear ?”
    we have a guy at work who is abusive and crude but people kinda write him off as a bit defficient so they give him a lot more lattitude . perhaps thats the case .
    and wheter it is or not maybe it would just make it easier for you to accept if you assume that it is the case and thats why everyone else laughs. because really they are laughing at her.

  10. It’s a professional setting and she is not acting in a professional manner (and is in fact attacking people on a personal level, which is even worse).
    You have to respond to this professionally. You can’t just lower yourself to her level and expect positive results. I would take it to HR personally and tell them you feel personally attacked by her behaviour and are concerned with her treatment of your co-workers as well.
    If you don’t have an HR team at your company, you would go to your supervisor or department head and ask for a confidential meeting.
    It’s important to discuss the matter in an impartial and professional manner.

  11. Rather than waiting for her to stumble upon this question, send her a letter with your thoughts. A site called YoNeighbors.com sends letters to bad coworkers as well.
    Also, your self-esteem should be based on something more meaningful than some person’s comments.


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