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What might I be able to do to perfect the aura eminating from my navel projecting the perfect black hole?

There is an uncanny resemblance between my navel and the persistant muon radiations from detectable black holes. This is not enough. I would like all clergy to preach the scientific community to officially declare me a walking black hole.


  1. Interesting. Since muons, even at near-light speed, are likely to decay before hitting Earth-local detectors, it seems difficult to believe that any have been detected. At least I’ve seen no articles on muon radiation from black holes in the major science publications.
    Also, if you were indeed a walking black hole, the circumference of your event horizon would probably be comparable to the size of a proton or maybe smaller. In which case, you wouldn’t really be walking or typing or reading this answer. .
    And we even shouldn’t go anywhere near considering the effects of stellar-equivalent energy flux around your navel. Does the term “massively extra crispy” begin to communicate the state of your body not to mention your surrounding area for miles? Thought so.


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