Okay just give me your honest opinion & any ways i could make it better? BTW It’s Fantasy
Nella is a M’ored [an elemental (Fire-Earth-Wind-Water) & super-fast killing machine] that lives in The World of Infinite, which is located in the sun & is sort of a cross of Pandora from Avatar & Middle Earth from Lord Of The Rings.
All beings in Infinite are M’oreds & attend a sort of school to train them to be guardians of Earth.
Nella is grieving over the recent death of her sister, Thia, & is trying to sort of take her sisters place in the ‘cool’ group. There is a dare you have to complete to get into the cool group (putting your hand against the wall on the inside of the sun & seeing how long you can keep it there – also this is how her sister died), & shes competing with the leader of the group, Coye, & then a supervisor comes out & stops them & scolds Nella for being so stupid.
A few days later Nella gets a note telling her to meet someone behind the school after it finishes, signed C. She goes there to see whoever it is & sees only a package, with the same signature as the note, so she takes it. She returns home & unwraps it, to find something (i’m sorry i cant describe it better) that looks like a crystal ball on the end of a thick wand (not HP type – thicker). The note attached iidentifiesthe object as a Oo’re, & tells her not to damage it in any way. She shuts it in the ccupboard forgets about it, & goes to school the next day to find that everyone is suddenly her friend. She’s angry about this, so she hunts down Coye & asks him what he meant by leaving her the Oo’re. He doesn’t understand what she means, but he pretends to so he can try and figure out if she really has it.
During the day, she goes to the library to try & research Oo’re’s & finds out that they are magical & extremely rare. She finds another note with the same signature, telling her to do the same as yesterday. She does, & finds a small book with a golden sun on the front. She reads it, & it tells her how to wield the magic out of the Oo’re. She follows the steps throughout the course of the story, in time (is it too cliche?) falling in love with Coye & finally reaziling it wasn’t him who sent the packages.
She wants to know who, so she wields one of the Oo’re’s powers & makes the person who sent the packages appear right before her, but they are wearing a mask over their eyes. Nella rips it off.
It is Thia. Her full name is Cynthia.
Of course that isn’t where the story ends, but I just wanna know is it good so far, should I continue, or just scrap it?
Please, I DON’T MIND THE CRITICISM!!! If it sucks, say that it sucks.
10 points to the person who answers most or all of my question.
P.S I’m gonna call it Infinite. Please, your opinions & ideas on this as well.
I like it. It is pretty original which makes it an interesting read! I wouldn’t scrap it just yet, write the first chapter or so and see if you like it. Overall a good idea. Keep up the good work!
Could you offer your thoughts on my first chapter? 🙂
I think it is actually very good story line, even though the whole falling in love bit is a bit of a cliche, however it is very great!! I would definitely read it because I like that whole Fantasy thing.
But if you don’t want the Coye bit to be a cliche you could always make it that he was Thia’s boyfriend and Nella and him just become like best friends. Or he falls in love with her or vice versa but the other finds it too weird and nothing happens between them, but they just become real close?? Just a suggestion:)
And the fact its the sister sending the packages is a great idea! How does she survive? Or is it like a ghost of her? And later on do you explain why she got the Oo’re?
Have you figured out how to end it?
Tbh I’m really wanting to read it!!! I think it would be awesome! And there’s so much potential for sequels aswell! (Maybe in a later book they get together?) you should plot the whole story so you could write sequels and leave like clues or something so that theres a twist at the end of one of the sequels? Good Luck!! 🙂
Truthfully, it’s pretty good. I wouldn’t spend too much time developing the love story (unless it’s crucial to the plot); and I hope you have a good reason why her sister faked her death. But that said, you should go for it. Instead of the sun though, you might want to think of a hidden planet.