have been lazy since I was 16. I have a good potential but I am just plain lazy(to study , to clean etc,,) I want to become a Flash Developer so I would study 1 day then do nothing for 4 days then I have to restart all over again. Lack of motivation? I don’t know a long time ago I was a passionate by chess , would play all day but would refuse to study the new variances in the opening book. I want to change my life with Zen!! I noticed that I dream very deeply since I start Zen Meditation. Can Zen change my life & make me a winner? I am 48 I need to change now!!
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You are not lazy.
You have created several (future) paths for yourself. This convinces you that there is tomorrow. You don’t want to look beyond this as you are afraid of what you could see… emptiness, ending of your current, quite bearable situation? Yet you know that the future might not be as blind as you are trying to make yourself, so you try to do what you know you should do, but only to the extent that makes you feel comfortable. “what? I tried to learn! but it is so boring!” you might say to yourself (rather quietly), to buy yourself another couple days of your “current quite bearable situation”.
There is something that could make you see that staying in your “..bearable situation” is not worth the effort. The ‘something’ is the fear that you hide behind this. Fear of life/death. When it gets to you through the curtains of your theater you will want to do whatever you was ‘lazy’ to do, you will feel the freedom inside to do it. There might be no time left though.
Do now what you want to do. You can be afraid at the beginning, but you WILL see shortly that leaving your small world behind was worth it.