I recently have an English teacher who has been giving us (high school juniors) numerous lectures on philosophy and has had a significant change in my life. I’m scared that I comprehend this stuff too well for my age. I recently have dropped the ego I used to maintain and now I feel better than ever.
It’s just that things around me are getting worse, with my friends, my body, my self-esteem. I just realized how I don’t fit in with the groups of friends I have, I’m not really like any of them. I am sexually frustrated because I am gay and I am in love with one of my straight friends. I’m 16 years old and feel like I’m going through a mid-life crisis.
I also realized how much public school is confining me from learning the knowledge I am capable of knowing. I’m stuck in this awkward teenage highschool boy’s life and I want to move on already. I just finished The Alchemist by Paul Coelho and I feel like I found my personal legend and need to get out and pursue it.
I know of no one smart enough to give me answers to these problems. I feel silly posting this on the internet but I really need a serious response. Thank you.
when the ego is ‘dropped’ in enlightenment, its still there we just dont live by it. things will come as you are ready. its good that you can see things from different perspectives but the most important thing is to love yourself and be true. daily stresses come and go and although you are on a spiritual path you are also in school. things will come together eventually , if you feel the need to fight internally remember to open your heart, not your mind to the internal confusion (dont beat yourself up and use logic to explain it). its all natural, so enjoy being young 🙂
Any spiritual experience is a gift.
I like you had a philosophy course at 15 and the brilliance of my teacher was astounding to me. Especially as she was a drunk and came to class hung-over every day. Comprehending things better than your friends can be trying but ultimately insight and knowledge are tools that can serve you well.
It may be hard to relate to your friends because of your budding sexuality, but in reality people are people, gay straight or lesbian. You feel alienated because you are finding yourself right now, and it feels different than what you see around you. Almost all teenagers feel alone and alienated, you just have different reasons for feeling that way, and you may percieve your experience as more intense.
They say that middle high intelligence students have the hardest time because super-geniuses can do their school work with their left hand while exploring their own interests with their right. People like you (and me when I was your age,) are smart enough to be bored and not smart enough to work around it. My suggestion is do your school work as best as you can, and do some reading and thinking on the side, but don’t get too distracted from the “boring work” that may make or break your future. Think how lucky you are not to be overwhelmed by school work, as some kids are.
You are lucky to be young and have some idea where you are headed and who you are. Focus on the positive and hang in there. You will be an adult and out in the world before you know it.
Doubt you have “dropped the ego”. That is sort of like saying you’ve dropped being able to judge, be critical, protect myself, have a personality, or come when you’re called.
No sense in be afraid of nonsense.
Becoming aware of when we are being silly is part of growing up. Oh, and don’t pester your straight friend. I assume you know he would not like that.
You are just going through the growing pains that most teens go through. Nothing unusual.