Relationship Insecurity: Unraveling the Complexities and Deliberate Patterns

Relationship Security
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In the quest for the Holy Grail of relationships, we all strive for that coveted state of security, certainty, and confidence with our partners. Building relationship security requires active effort and dedication, leading to a state of ease, relaxation, and well-being. However, sometimes, the journey takes unexpected turns, and insecurity creeps in, causing distress and upheaval in our lives.

Understanding Relationship Insecurity

When relationship security is compromised, it wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Our self-confidence plummets, and dysfunctional behaviors become our coping mechanisms. But what if there’s a hidden, under-recognized subconscious pattern behind deliberately creating relationship insecurity?

The Enigma of Deliberate Insecurity

Contrary to conventional wisdom, some individuals knowingly foster relationship insecurity to fulfill specific needs or avoid certain fears. Let’s unravel the enigma with a glimpse into two intriguing cases.

Case 1: The Quest for Self-Esteem

Meet Linda, the queen of close friendships, yet she ruins them with periodic breakdowns. Her actions reveal a deep-rooted fear of being taken for granted. By pushing people away, she tests their reactions, yearning for reassurance of her significance. Oddly, this destruction of security boosts her self-worth momentarily.

Case 2: The Pursuit of Autonomy

James experiences enmeshment trauma from childhood, leading to a struggle between closeness and autonomy in his relationships. When getting too close to a partner, he fears losing his identity. Thus, he sabotages relationship security to reclaim a sense of independence and boundaries.

The Multi-faceted Motivations

The reasons behind deliberately creating relationship insecurity are as diverse as human emotions. Some may seek to gain power, prevent being taken for granted, or protect secrets, while others use it as a defense mechanism against perceived hurts. The possibilities are endless!

Consequences and Self-Reflection

When engaging in such behavior, it’s essential to contemplate the consequences of prioritizing personal needs over relationship security. The first step towards change is recognizing these patterns and their underlying motives. Instead of manipulation, direct communication can be a healthier approach to meet our needs and fears genuinely.

Conclusion: Embracing Transformation

Relationship insecurity is a labyrinth of emotions, desires, and defense mechanisms. To find the path to true security, we must confront our subconscious patterns and choose whether the momentary gains are worth jeopardizing our connections. Embracing awareness and transformation, we can embark on a journey of genuine and lasting relationship security.


  1. Q: Can relationship insecurity be a deliberate choice?
  2. A: Absolutely! Some individuals unconsciously choose to create insecurity to meet specific needs or shield themselves from fears.
  3. Q: How can I break free from the pattern of relationship insecurity?
  4. A: Start by recognizing the reasons behind your behavior and its consequences. Embrace direct communication to address your needs and fears genuinely.

Interesting External Links:

  1. The Science of Building Trust in Relationships
  2. Unraveling the Subconscious Mind: How It Shapes Our Relationships
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