Relationship advice from a psychic/ spiritually bright and non judgmental people?

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During my teens I had a short affair with a v. bright guy who was in love with me, but then he shifted overseas and it ended. While in my early twenties I was not as self confident. I was underweight, had a poor body image and felt the need to be reassured that I am ‘attractive’. That’s when I started my series of non committal and not so morally right affairs.
I lost my virginity to a guy who was already engaged. Post that I had a ‘serious’ affair with a man (lets call him John) who was married and 11 yrs older. After 8 months of seeing John I met another ‘single’ guy who I slept with. Since my affair with John was ‘non committal’ I frankly told him about the new guy. John dint take it well, and started verbally abusing me. That was about wen John’s wife discovered about our affair and even called me up..I apologized..but I’m sure I caused her grave pain. Thankfully she dint leave him…John was ready to leave her for me..but I was not ready. But John continued to hate me for ‘cheating’ on him with another person.
I moved on…with my casual flings sleeping with 2 more married and another engaged guy and a few more single men. I never really got sexual satisfaction from any of these baring 2-3. But at the end of it I did feel that I had a sort of power on men and I did feel v.v. attractive.
Finally from around 2003-05 I had another serious affair with another married guy (lets call him Peter) who was all set to leave his wife for me. Well he was the one who taught me many lessons in life including that casual relationships never really satisfy you.
And that is when I finally met this new single guy (lets call him Chuck) who I felt extremely attracted to. I started ‘cheating’ on Peter and began a secret affair with Chuck. Infact now I’m glad Chuck came along and I dint brk up Peter’s marriage. I refused to marry Peter who dint take it v. well, but still forgave me and wished me luck with Chuck.
Chuck knows all about my past..hes had a similar rocky past. We are long distance lovers. Chuck has proposed marriage to me, but still our relationship is v.v. rocky. He barely calls up, and disappears for days on end. But still when I say lets brk up, he refuses and assures he loves me. Its been going on fr 4 yrs or so.
I hve becum more spiritual and helpful alng these yrs. Now that I have learnt life’s bitter lessons and have vowed to nevr fool around wth commited guys. I feel very guilty abt helping other men to cheat on their better halves and am ready to mk amends.
But I suddenly I hv started feeling is my currnt relationship going rocky due to past mistakes?
Wats wrong here…I have been brutally honest without making any excuses..I need advice from spiritually mature people here
Thank you for the insight Tukmyhamster
I also wanted to add (altho my q is long enuf lol) that in all the cases these men have chased me..I have never ever initiated the relationship…

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Tukmyhamster

I’m not spiritual and but nor am I judgmental about this so I will put my two cents worth in 🙂
You seem to be asking if you are being punished in your current relationship for the not so good things you have done in the past, I don’t think the world works like that. Think of each new relationship as tossing a coin, the probability of the coin landing a particular way up is always 50/50 no matter what way up all the other coins you tossed before have landed.
However, I think you need to ask yourself why you have continually preferred married men, and find a new lover when the old one starts talking about making it a permanent arrangement? And now you have a long distance relationship which in a way is similar in that it’s not a relationship of full commitment.
I think you need to forget about the stuff in the past and look to what you want in a relationship in the future. Do you want a full time 100% committed type arrangement or is that something that makes you uncomfortable? Maybe a husband that works away would suit you so that you don’t feel stifled by his continual presence? Or an open relationship where you are both free to see other people? I think only you know the answer to these things.
Anyway life’s too short to waste it on regrets, making mistakes is okay as long as you can learn from them and move forward and it sounds like you are doing that now.
Best of luck, I hope it works out for you with whatever partner you choose.

SquirrelsAreCute

I think the problem is past guilt. Religiously speaking, if you confess to God that you have sinned and are truly sorry, then the Bible says that you will be forgiven. In the New Testament, Jesus stopped the stonning of a harlot (I’m not saying you are one), and because she was truly sorry, He forgave her. She could finally live in peace. So my religious advice is that you go to God in confession because the Bible says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” When you feel forgiven, you’ll feel better, and God will give you the strength to move on. 🙂

wushuboy001

First of all, let me point out that making amends with yourself or with God is fine, but don’t try to make amends with the men or their wives. The best thing you can do for them is to stay away and hope they are capable of healing their own marital problems.
Now you have to ask, are you seriously ready to commit to one person for life? The general way things are supposed to go, is that you don’t have sex until you are married with someone. You don’t marry someone unless they are able to make you feel good about yourself and do something known as loving you.
Long distance internet relationships are seldom honest. Usually people say what the other wants to hear, and there is only a shallow verbal commitment between the two.
Here is how to start over fresh and do things right. Mind you it might take a few years, but in the end you will find your relationship much more satisfying.
1) Don’t go day to day thinking about relationships.
2) Don’t date anyone unless they are willing to make a commitment to you.
3) Don’t have sex, don’t kiss, don’t even hold hands with a guy without a ring on your finger. (This is probably the most important step, and almost the exclusive reason marriages fail today)
4) When you find a guy who will marry you after the first 3 steps you can be sure he will be devoted to you. He won’t cheat on you, and you will have a happy life with him forever.
Here are some films to watch which have very insightful information on relationships.
Pamela’s Prayer (this movie is older and low budget, and has strong christian themes, but definitely worth seeing even if you aren’t a christian.)
Come What May (This movie is more about abortion, but the subplot is about relationships.)
and, if you watch only one of these three movies make it this one
Fireproof (starring Kirk Cameron, this movie is all about marriage and relationships. Very well written, excellent acting, great story, and very insightful about relationships.)

Elmbeard

Well it seems that you and Chuck have finally got the lover each of you deserve!
Of course any relationship either of you have is going to be rocky, but you know each other’s foibles long enough to know that and like master jugglers with the same balls you manage somehow between you to keep the balls in the air when less rocky folk would have had them scattered over the floor long ago.
It might be about time you and Chuck considered living together, getting married even. But expect a terminal argument on average once a week, lots of illicit affairs, disappearances, and all sorts of trouble and take it in your stride. After all you both have the experience to handle it.
I doubt if anyone else either of you find could.

Witchy Mel

I will be totally honest with you. There is a karmic backlash involved here and I think you already have laid it all out there and know why things are going the way they are. If you are seeking confirmation, then yes, that is what it is.
Regardless of the fact that you didn’t accept these guys invitations to be with you and leave their wives, you still messed around with them and I am sure you got quite an ego boost knowing that they wanted you more than the wife. Maybe that was what it was all really about and the reason you back off then is because you have gotten that rush that you needed.
You are picking unavailable men because you are commitment phobic yourself. So yes, maybe you have grown past being with married men but that wont stop this phobia from expressing itself in other ways…like through long distance relationships.
The reason why you are doing this, picking these guys is because they can never leave you. Think about it. If they never fully have you, if they never fully love you and vice versa, then you can never get left and your heart can never be broken. The compromise here is always receiving a sort of ‘”half love”, one that gets you by but will never be fulfilling.
This is interesting…I think my guide is speaking up on the “karma” part of this.
My grandmother always used to say that all is fair in love and war. That is what I am hearing right now.
I am also getting the message that it is not karma that is the problem, it is your fear of true love and commitment.
Your relationship problems are just smoke screens for your deeply rooted fear of abandonment.
I take back what I said about karma in the beginning…the information that I just gave was channeled.
Good luck to you. I think you need to forgive yourself mostly and then start feeling worthy of long lasting love. Maybe you should take a break from relationships altogether and repair the relationship that you have with yourself.

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