Poem about love. please rate and comment?

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If loving you is wrong
I guess that means I’m not right
If you’re love is in darkness
Allow me to shed some light
Just blow me a kiss
I’ll blow you back 10 more
She loved me on the outside
I love you from the core
I don’t care if mom says,
“puppy love is all the same”
Mama, don’t hate the player
Mama, hate the game
I don’t care if daddy says,
“Oh son, that girl is wrong”
That’s probably what your mama said
When you met a girl named mom
Mom, life isn’t Shakespeare
Love doesn’t have to be a tragedy
You don’t have to cry, mom
You don’t have to be mad at me
If love was meditation
Then she’d me my zen
If I was 5+5,
then mom, she’d be my ten
If I was a bookcase
Then she’d be my books
If i didn’t have a face,
then mom she’d be my looks
The first time that I saw her
She gave me a heart attack
And the second my heart froze
She was the one to bring it back

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highthoughts

It is ok. Simple lines – Some a little like ‘cliche’. 6/10
Peace.

aqua_5500

I so love this poem, maybe i would alter a few thing?
but i am not the poet of this poem.so reminds me of my first love, my ex husband who my parents did not agree with.
thank you for letting me revisit my past.
past not all bad, becomes a cherished memory good and bad x

Lori S.

First two lines if love is wrong
then I guess I am not right for you
This is about worried about whether love is right or wrong
Next two If you love in darkness
let me shed some light
Something went wrong and you want to explain
Just blow me a kiss
and I will blow you 10 more
You are saying just give me one but I will give you lots.
She loves me from the outside
I love you on the core
you love this person anywhere inside or outside
I don’t care what mom says
puppy love is all the same
Here she is saying love is blind
She doesn’t like the player
how would she know if she doesn’t get to know
mama hates the game
I can see she was hurt and is looking out for you
You are trying to explain that love is not like shakespeare
Love doesnt have to be a tragedy
you don’t have to cry
you don’t have to get mad
You are going to love this person regardless what she says but on the same token you will still love your mom
The same for your dad.

Amelia

It gets a ten for LAME!

SMXâ„¢ -- Lover Of Hero @};-

Nope not working for me, try reading some romantic myths and romantic poems to get som ideas and inspire you.
Also think about putting allegories into your work, It would do you some wonders. Nice try though.

millionaire

Nice going, but it doesn’t hold my interest. The poem is long, but it is short and choppy. Try to criticize your writing more. That is a difficult thing to do. But the more you do, the better you get. Keep writing. PS I would rather read something clean and wholesome that needs work rather than better writing and it in the gutter.

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