Home Discussion Forum Nowhere to turn. please help.?

Nowhere to turn. please help.?

I’m 18. I need to start by telling you I have a history of depression, anxiety, and OCD. Scizophrenia, BPD, and all sorts of mental illness runs in my family.
I graduated highschool last May with a 3.6 GPA. I took AP and honors courses and even attended community college during my senior year of higschool. I was productive and hard-working and respected by my parents. Then in the summer after graduating I had a deeply personal philosophical/spiritual crisis that sent me into the worst depression of my life. I started using marijuana expecting it to help but it only caused me to develop “depersonalization disorder” and screw my head up even more. I moved to Ireland and started going to college there (what I always wanted) but while I was there I started to miss America and cities, and it was very costly. I didn’t want the burden of student loans and debt. I didn’t think about this when I applied to college because I was only 16. I started drinking heavily in Ireland to escape from the shame of having to tell my elderly grandparents I’d be leaving soon. Eventually I drank so much one night I passed out in the gutter and was mugged. I flew home the next weekend with my parents ashamed of me.
The minute I got home I started looking for jobs. Nowhere is hiring though. I’ve turned in 100 applications and only received one single phone call (and the place that called me only calls out of technicality- they call everyone). So I started working with my dad in construction. He gave me about 20 opportunities to work and I went probably 15 times. I have nearly $1000 in cash which I want to use to buy a car or save up for tuition for community college.
I feel stranded. I live in Los Angeles where it’s damn near impossible to get around without a car. I want a job. I’m willing to work. I’ll work hard. But nowhere is hiring. So I have top resort to working only occasionally with this painter I know and also selling marijuana for money. I feel like a bum. My parents tell me I’ll end up homeless. Everyone views me as a loser. I can’t find a job. I no longer believe in god. I have nowhere to go. I’m, too shy to even talk to people. I’m driving myself crazy from thought and starting to wonder if other people are even real. Every day feels like it’s out to get me. I bought new shoes with hard earned money and put them on and went to see a movie. When I came outside it was raining. My phone was dead. What are the chances? This is the story of my life.
My parents basically kicked me out. I slept on a cough of my friend’s front porch last night without permission.
All of this because I chose the wrong college. What do I do. Thank you.

4 COMMENTS

  1. First of all, take a deep breath. I’m very sorry to hear this. Believe me, i suffer from VERY bad depression too. Although, it’s not as bad as your problem. The economy is very very bad and i dont think any jobs are even out there at this point. I’m not familiar with the Los Angeles area, as i am on the other side of the US! I find it absolutely insane when parents kick their children out. That’s not what parents are there to do. A parent is supposed to support you and provide for you when you can’t better provide for yourself. I would talk to them about getting your into a psychiatry/therapy program, you really need it. I myself go to see a psychiatrist and therapist almost every week and it relieves a lot. Definitely stay away from the alcohol. I’m not sure what to tell you about your housing situation. I’m only about a year older than you so we are around the same age. I lost my best friend last July and that’s when i started with the depression. The most important thing is to not think of yourself as a loser. You cannot get through life thinking of yourself as a loser. Sure you may have hit some bumps in the road but the thing is by viewing yourself as a loser you are giving yourself an excuse. I know it sounds sort of harsh. I know that there is some part of you that many people love. I know you are not a loser. I don’t find anyone a loser in this world just because everyone is good for different things. As far as bad luck, tell me about it! Don’t blame yourself for choosing the wrong college either. We all make mistakes sometimes for better, mostly for worse. Best of luck to you. One more thing though, try to be a bit more optimistic. Optimism is the best thing for you. Somehow, things will get better.

  2. No, no, no, it has nothing to do with going to the wrong college. The stress probably brought out the depression that was just waiting to happen. You are very depressed and with the right help you can lead a happy and productive life. If you can get to a computer please look up the site nami.org which is the site for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. On their site you can find the phone number for your local chapter. They are there for support, information and the right help in your area. They probably know of a resource where you can live until you get professional help and on your own feet. There is help please go for it! I am sorry that your parents don’t understand or know about serious depression that certainly didn’t help you. But there is help!

  3. Selling drugs is not the answer. You will get caught. Keep trying. Sign up for career counseling. Keep sending out job applications. Something will click. Really.
    Start hanging out with positive people. Read positive things. Like here. But don’t hang about the internet too long – remember it is the synth world and you need to remain in the real world, too, as hopeless as it may seem to you now.
    No one is out to get you. Why would they? And if you have turned in 100 applications, then you are not a bum. That shows some initiative to me. Call back to some of those places. Bug them. It will show them you are interested. I got the job I am in for the last 8 years by calling over and over again.
    There are many shelters that will house you for short periods of time. Look into that. They will also help with the job search. Call around.
    Talk to your parents again. Are they so cold-hearted they will not let you stay with them for a short period of time if they see you are at least trying?? If not, how about a relative?
    Use some of your cash to print your resume and post it on bulletin boards in all the offices and stores and places you can see. Slip them to managers in shops. You can do it!
    Good luck and God Speed.

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