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No more sex will we be ok?

Ok so me and my boyfriend are christians but over the years we have gotten pretty lax. We started having sex and stopped going to church alot. My bf had stopped doing all that way before me, and we broke up because he went through a time of really bad confusion and a self identity crisis. But we got back together with him saying he wanted to be a better person, but after we got back together we started having sex, we had never had it the first time we dated, but it became a very important thing for me. Sex is more than just sex for me, it’s more than physical it’s a state of emotional bliss and connection. And physical touch is my main love language. Well for a couple of months my boyfriend has been pointing out that us having sex is a sin and he’s been overly paranoid each time that somehow I’m going to get pregnant or we’re going to get caught. A few months ago he said he wanted to stop having sex totally but just after a day he caved in and we screwed. Well yesterday he said it again and he was very serious. He wants to avoid everything that turns him on, and I hate it! I’m scared how this is going to affect our relationship and for some reason my feelings feel hurt. I want to support him because I know he’s doing the right thing but I also don’t want to give up the thing we shared. He explained he just wanted to get back to God and that he still loved me and very much wants to marry me but he wants our relationship to be more spiritual like it use to be. I kinda wanna be a better Christian too but I’m very torn. Can the relationship survive with the sudden sexual stalemate? What’s the best way I can accept this and show support? In your answers please don’t quote scripture I’m tired of my mom always being overly religious and now when I hear someone quoting scripture at me I get tense. Please and thank you

17 COMMENTS

  1. I counter your “Wall of Text” attack with my “Form of the Paragraph” flying kick!
    HEE-YAAA!!!!
    …Seriously, though, you can get through it. You will need to, collaboratively, come up with NEW rituals and routines that don’t involve sex. If you two used to get jiggy with it after eating out at Jimmy’s Crab Shack, don’t eat out at Jimmy’s any more. Start a date night tradition at another restaurant.
    I hope you two are sleeping in separate beds, too. If not, you’re screwed. (Pun intended) If you’ve been together and now sleep together, you’re gonna fail in your no-sex thing.
    Oh, yeah, masturbation is your friend.

  2. This is the tragedy of your religion. You’re enjoying sex for all the RIGHT reasons and now guilt has been introduced where it doesn’t belong.
    But to answer the question, no. The cat is out of the bag.
    Ever tried to get a cat back into a bag?

  3. If you want him to love you more than god then let him screw you up the anus and then finish him off with a bj.
    We call that an ATM (@ss to mouth!)

  4. well if the relationship isn’t built on love then its screwed no pun intended… sex isn’t essential but it does play a good part in a relationship… but if he wants to be more spiritual then that’s his fault… but it is also yours for feeling more attached to the physical and less to the emotional…

  5. You are very needy for the flesh. You should be needing God! Don’t worry about your bf, it sounds like he really loves you but he wants to do things the right way and you should follow or else you might lose him, I said might because if he loves you unconditionally then you might not lose him but you have to give him that space so he can get right with God again. Remember that God loves you very much and doesn’t abandon you, you just need to seek him a little more. I didn’t quote Bible scriptures but you should take them seriously when people do quote them. Good luck and GOD BLESS!

  6. You’re letting a collection of nomadic Bronze Age goat herder mythology run your sex life, and ruin your relationship?
    Or, it’s more like your boyfriend is, and you’re letting him.
    This is the 21st century. If you actually go along with this abstinence nonsense, you deserve to reap whatever comes from it. In all honesty, I’d end the relationship, and try to find someone a little more grounded in reality.
    Addendum: jimay – “You are very needy for the flesh. You should be needing God!”
    No, she shouldn’t be needing imaginary beings who supposedly created the universe but apparently also care about what people do when they’re naked.
    What she *needs* is a healthy, adult romantic relationship, and that includes sex. And the problem is that the one she’s in is crumbling because the person she’s involved with is an emotional child.

  7. if the sex stops, you will find another partner to have it with, either behind his back or after you dump him.
    Seen it in LOTS of “Good Christian Girls” that only wanted to experience Physical touch once.
    Most of them become strippers, I know because I am a Tipper!

  8. That poor guy. He is so brainwashed that he cannot allow himself the most pleasurable of human interaction without feeling guilt.
    I think you’d be better off to find a guy who is not so hung up on his programming.

  9. How much of a Christian can you be if you don’t want scriptures quoted? I am not trying to be mean or flippant but it is a valid question. I will give one scripture how’s that. This is what Paul preached concerning your situation. 1 Corinthians 7:8, 9 I (Paul) say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I (single). But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”
    It sounds as if you two really love each other. Then what is stopping you from getting married and living a Christian life together and all the benefits that come with it. It sure would release a bunch of anxiety in the relationship.

  10. You married him when you had sex with him, in the Bible you become one flesh when you have sex and if he stops having sex with you he has cut you off and divorce you.

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