I have a slow moving terminal illness. I’ve gone thru a lot of the “phases.” I am not in pain. I most likely have several years that
will not be bad as far as pain etc is concerned. But my psyche feels stalled. I’ve never had this experience before so I’m pretty sure it has to do with the dx. I’ve had it for a long time so I’ve had time to deal with a lot of the emotions about it.
The reality is I can get on with my life. The quality of my life is not horrible. Plus I can look forward to several years like this. I’m a “creative-personality” but this doesn’t feel like any creative block I’ve ever experienced. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s my root chakra that is blocked. I guess that makes it difficult to move up to the others. Not sure about that.
I’m 60 years old to give you an idea of where I am in life. My life has always been the adventure that I wanted it to be as a young girl. I have experienced and explored life to it’s fullest since becoming an adult.
I don’t feel depressed. I feel pretty philosophical about it now (after going thru a lot of other feelings). I am limited in ways that I’ve never been before. I’ve always had high physical energy and now I have to ration it out and be careful not to overdo.
I’ve always been a free-spirit and I feel like I’ve been grounded and not in the good way. I have a lot of air in my astrological chart. I “do” feel that my wings have been clipped. I’m used to the sky and I never have been very grounded (the good grounded). Maybe this has to do with that. I’m not all that comfortable touching earth. I don’t know how to do earth and to be honest, I’m not that interested in learning.
I’m still creating every day. I spend a lot of time studying (my favorite hobby). I say this because, essentially, the things I do and love, I still do and love. Those two things have not been effected. I can still soar in my mind, like always. All the more difficult to figure out why I feel this huge frozenness inside. It feels like a lack of movement altho mentally there is no lack of movement.
I’m very in touch with my emotions and know how to process them so I don’t think it’s an emotional thing. It really feels like the root chackra.
I’ve always lived in my head. I “am” having to deal with a lot of earth-type things like remembering to order and take my medicine. There is a lot of it so that’s not so easy for someone like me. My memory has never been a strong suit. I have to remember dr appts, ordering oxygen, keeping the house cleaner than I used to because of my breathing (copd).
I guess I really am having to deal with a lot of earth energy and it sooo does not come natural to me. It’s hard to keep up with it all. I post notes to remind me of when to do these practical things but after a while I don’t notice them and once again I’m out of medicine or oxygen.
It feels kind of overwhelming trying to do all these earth energy things. I have no gift, not even a little talent with earth-energy. I just don’t know how to do all this.
I live alone and don’t have anyone to help me with these things. I have to figure this out somehow. This probably has to do with why my psyche feels so blocked. No movement. Stuck.
Well, at least I have a better idea of what I’m dealing with for writing this. If anyone has any ideas, either on the practical matters, or on how to get my chi moving again, I’d really appreciate any help. Thank you in advance.
I am an aquarius with air, fire and water in my chart. no earth.
I’m not sure what you mean by indulgences. I don’t have resources, neither financial, energy, people or anything else to provide indulgences. Most of the time I feel like all my energy is going toward just trying to survive in all areas. But I hear what you’re saying about getting some help. Maybe my dr “would” have some advise in that direction. I appreciate that so much.