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Need the opinion of fellow rap geniuses……?

Are these 1st few lines good for my rhyme?

My infinite hypothesis workin like Stephanopoulos/
Sayin it how I see it truthfully, minus the politics/
Common sense, we lost it since we traded it for dollars and cents/
The benjamins have made us break away from our true essences/
Overrun with selfishness, the mirror’s where your effort is/
Compression of the soul makes for feelings of inner detriment/
Materialism got ya like a deadly spiritual pestilence/
(Pause, reset so my next rhyme flows properly)

Metaphysical medicinal properties that I’ve learned/
Like a modern witch doctor switchin’ rituals with words/
Shamanism in lyricism the schism is deterred/
Unifying fellow man one with the universe/

(I’ll post the finished rhyme later if you, the fans, recommend it. Thanks)

5 Comments

  • You know i’m all for that kinda rhyming, vinnie paz and jus allah are among my favorite MCs, but i just cant see how that would sound out loud. On paper it looks good and somewhat intimidating but you can only take that so far. Just by looking at it i can tell there wouldnt be much a flow that can be created, and i’m just being honest.

  • nice volcabulary, however you will most likly never go mainstream if ur song were all that level. Its very hard to relate to. maybe cut back a tad, not alot, but a tad on huge words.
    Otherwise ul most likly stay under ground. Hiphop has changed.
    Def good tho but keep working on it. Write different versions on a song.
    make one like his, and another with a lighter volcabulary and see peoples responses to each one.
    It almost fels like ur trying to hard on this. thats all

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