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Need a solution…..?

I am badly mentally sick but im not quite sure how you would categorise this. If you don’t want a long depressing read look at another question.
I live alone, my parents passed a long time ago now, i didn’t have good childhood and don’t miss my family in anyway. I have never had any friends or relationships of any sort through life. Nobody has ever shown an interest even if i did.
I know you will say go and get some friends however its not that simple when you have the social skills of a 2 year old, and at this age (25) people expect you to be able to put a coherent sentence together. I don’t have a hobby so i know some people will say “join a club and meet people through there” but no they don’t exist round here even if i did find something i was interested in. Also its not as simple as going for a walk or joining a gym.
I am starting to believe people have auras around them that other people subconsciously pick up on. For example lets say you have to deliver a parcel to a house, for me i would get looked at down the end of their nose and treated like a piece of **** without the person knowing anything about me, then you watch the next person come along to deliver something (No different circumstance) and its all smiles and pleasantries. This is as if people know what you are like within a second of seeing you. This happens everyday in every interaction i have noticed.
Work is a completely different story in itself, basically no nothing there will help me.
Because of all this i am dead inside, i dont have any emotion for things people would usually have, death, joy, love are all trivial. Over the years it turns you bitter and twisted. Unfortunately i direct my anger inwards and bottle it up, so one day its going to come out no someone however I would rather stay out of prison.
One of the illnesses i know is depression, however getting a doctor or therapist to try and help you is impossible no matter how many different ones you see. The first visit was the worst as i built up the courage for years to go only to get laughed out the building. Next ime i got given some website that didnt help in anyway whatsoever. All the times after that they edged round giving me any help and dissmissed me as quickly as possible.
Thus i now know i am completely alone in trying to overcome it.
I know nobody on here is going to give me a quick fix or anything of the sort, i would just like to know if this relates to any other illnesses or if anybody has heard of something similar.
No preachers either please, any religion can be debunked easily.
Positive thinking and having a different outlook are ok to do for a few seconds then you come back to the realization of what is happening, it cant be kept up on a daily or even hourly basis. Sorry, i wish i could trick my brain into believing a different reality but it wont accept it.
You said: “Because of all this i am dead inside, i don’t have any emotion”
But you say you get angry? anger is an emotion…
And….that helps how?

10 COMMENTS

  1. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one to consider, if you are going to try to get some help. You say you had a bad child-hood, and you don’t miss your family. I’m thinking you probably need to find a doctor (psychiatrist) or a Psychologist to talk to about THAT. Depression is part of PTSD, and someone to talk to about these obviously painful experiences might help, as might a prescription medication for symptoms of PTSD.

  2. i know you don’t want to hear this, but you really need to change your outlook if you want to get better. and you can only get better if you truly want to. my advice would be to try another therapist. you’re not going to find someone who suits you the first time. keep trying out different people until you find someone who can help you. you have to understand how happy you can be.. and you have to want it, to work for it. you can’t expect a therapist to fix you if you’re not trying as well. if you don’t have a hobby.. look and see what clubs or activities there are and join something that looks like it could be fun to you. after all, anything has got to be better than what you’re dealing with right now, right? and just try your hardest to talk to people. smile at random people you see. eventually try talking to them and you’ll become so much more confident!
    i wish you the best of luck!
    and i’d just like to add that i’m sorry if i’ve misunderstood your situation and you really have tried hard to be happier.

  3. first thing to say is that no one worries what you look like or act like unless you make contact with them and influence them.the delivery people dont know you from anyone else,
    dont try and be liked or loved,try and let it happen and it may happen naturally.
    let me know if you are intrested in joining the group i help run for people like you and me

  4. I can relate to your way of thinking. Looking at everything in a negative light prevent disappointments when things are bad, right? You should try the doctor again. I promise you that there are doctors who will not laugh you out the building. I know because I go to a free clinic where there are 5 or so doctors working and they come and go, and get replaced by other doctors. I have seen 20 or 30 doctors in the last 20 years and even more therapists. There are some doctors who suck, but most are good people.
    I can also promise you that if you told a doctor of psychiatry what you just told us you would be treated very serious, because your depression seems to be very profound. I know. I have been this depressed for over 20 years. I have done electroshock 25 times. I have done all the medications. I have done therapy and counseling. They will at least try to help you.

  5. hi, i couldnt help but feel for you when i read your post. i too suffer from severe depression, brought on by a few different things over the years, i also fully understand the whole, feel dead inside quote.
    i went to the drs and told them my symptoms rarher than that i thought i had depression, due to being laughed at and told i was not a dr, how would i know etc etc…
    i am now recieving helps for depression, and also and anxiety problem.
    i cant really help on a diagnosis, i think you pretty much got it off with depression, however i have to say there is help, around your area you should have whats called a crisis team, who help people with mental health issues, or if it gets to the worst, you could check yourself in at hospital, i know its drastic, but if you tell them you have come cos you feel like killing yourself, they will take you in and start treatment, you really need help, and must get it any way you can, although i have a family, a bf of 7yrs and a 23 month old son, i know what it is like not to have friends, i find it difficult to talk to anyone, and my anxiety makes me not leave the house. please get help before something out of hand happens, if you need to talk or any help looking into how to gain the help you need email me at lnknprkbabe84@yahoo.co.uk
    if i can get a rough idea of where you are living i can help get some numbers for you,

  6. Your fear of rejection is the problem. It is causing “avoidance behavior”, and this manifest in you totally rejection of developing different behavior patterns. Its your life my friend, live it as you will.
    I will tell you this however. This behavior pattern can be changed using “Cognitive restructuring”, but once again that is your choice to make. Psychology teach us that we Create the reality in which we live. If that be true, Then it becomes your responsibility to create a different reality. A start for you would never again use such negative terminology to describe yourself. I could say more but will leave you to think about what I have just said.

  7. You said: “Because of all this i am dead inside, i don’t have any emotion”
    But you say you get angry? anger is an emotion…

  8. Mick(Crocodile) Dundee got it right.
    When he had a problem, he tells Wal (his best mate) in the film and Wally tells everyone in the pub and then there’s no problem.
    We all need MATES!!!!
    Go out and do for other people. Giving of yourself and time to other people, takes you mind off your own problems. Give some voluntary help somewhere eg childrens ward in hospital, Help the Aged, the down and outs, the Sally Army (Salvation Army).
    THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO NEEDS YOU TO HELP!!!!

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