Alright, long explanation here!
I have a major issue these days with irritability, being judgmental, not knowing when to hold back what I’m thinking, and just being plain rude at time.
My fiance has his best friend living here with us, and there’s been a few times when I’ve just been rude to him. Not even to his face, if he didn’t clean his dishes or if he did anything wrong I would vent to my fiance about what he did. A few time he would actually hear me, and later ask my fiance if I hated him. It made me feel so bad, I went up to him and told him sorry, and that I was feeling stressed out..he forgave me.
Since then it’s happened a few more times, and now there’s nothing that can be done to make him realize I’m just having my own issues, and it’s not his fault. I’m just being a jerk..and I have no real good reason.
I try to figure out why I’m so rude at times, I don’t get it. About 5 years ago I developed Anxiety Disorder, and that’s when I started having these major freak outs, and I just got progressively more and more irritated. A long with that I became more stressed out, and also I developed other bad traits that I’m not proud of. I started lying to my fiance, and doing really stupid things.
It makes me sad, cause my fiance always tells me that this isn’t the person I am, and it’s not how he saw me to be when he met me. This is true, and it makes me very sad..I don’t want to be so negative all the time, it’s the last thing this world needs is more negativity.
Sometimes I get so irritated, and act rude to my fiance, and then make him so upset, and that’s what it takes for me to realize that I was wrong for acting that way. Like he always says, it shouldn’t get that far for me to realize I shouldn’t be acting that way. It’s so unfair.
We have a newborn, and I feel and so does my fiance, that I’m a very good mom. I love him to death, and I just wish I could be as caring and forgiving with everyone as I am with him, it really makes me sad. I want to be a better person, for everyone around me.
Another possible reason for this is that I haven’t seen any of my friends in a long time, I mean Dominick is one of my best friends, but like my high school friends. I haven’t seen my two best friends in years, and I think that’s causing me to be more stressed out. I never go out really, I don’t party or drink like I did in high school, and that’s totally fine. I think those days I was a lot more easy going and relaxed. I didn’t worry about anxiety like I always do now, I never stressed the way I do now. It’s not from being a new mom, I love it. It’s not even my fiance or his friend..I have no idea what causes me to be so rude and stressed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not always like this, if you met me, you think I was very friendly and nice. I am, I just have bad days, where that’s not the case at all. But someone who doesn’t really know me might never see that.
I need some serious spiritual awakening, as corny as it may sound. I just want to be a good person.
So anwyays, if anyone actually reads this, maybe if they could give me some advice on how to do so. What I can do to be more respectful, and caring of other peoples feelings. How can I stop myself before saying something I might regret later?
Thanks in advance..
I've been very rude and disrespectful, and I want to change?
Alright, long explanation here!