I'm having a faith crisis! Help!!! Theists only please!?





I just found out only men can baptize me into the Mormon faith….I’m sorry LDS brethren…i don’t bathe with men. Now I need a new faith. =(
I’d like a faith that is highly spiritual, with a strong sense of community where i can continue to scoff organized religion. Suggestions?
Gumby Duck, bathing with an underage male does sound like an acceptable solution! 😉


  1. I hear Satanists have freaky sex rituals….. if you’re into that kind of thing. And they’re not big on organized religion for the most part.

  2. I hear atheism is a religion. Welcome to the atheists. We’ll have you baptized by robots at the next babbecue.

  3. Saying Theists Only is like an invitation for atheists, isn’t it…
    I think you should check out Paganism of some sort, they seem to be a fun bunch.

  4. Georgia Peach is correct,100%
    * we can also checkout those good trails I told ya about *

  5. Jeff, you’d best back off my Drizzt. He only takes unholy loving missionary style from his real princess. 😛

  6. (1) Unitarians
    (2) Episcopalians
    (3) Lutherans.
    Don’t have to worry about any bathing with any of these faiths, and there are plenty of women pastors to lead you on your journey. I think most unitarians scoff.
    (Okay, I guess that was an unnecessarily serious answer to a necessarily unserious question. I like R&Sism, but the tenets of faith are too strict for me!)

  7. What you need is a good doubt-based religion. The Church of Reality would fit that bill. The church was founded nine years ago as a non-profit organization, and it’s founder states, ” We’re not a faith-based religion. We’re doubt-based. The Church of Reality is a new kind of religion.”
    Their baptism services involve readings from Darwin and golden showers. B Tigger sounds just like their social director.

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