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Identity Crisis…Please Help!?

Im a 20 year old female and I chop and change in my mind about who I think I am and i just want to know! When people say just be yourself…well I am being myself I just cant decide. Ive been really spiritual and into tarot and witchcraft and stuff like that but making my life all about it is just not me. I want to be classy and wear heels and highwaisted skirts and have art on my walls, but the other half of me loves rock music and piercingsand having rock posters on my walls. That does not mix with classy at all and then there are times when Im really girly and love pink stuff and sparkly stuff. I feel like my head is about to explode. Im scared that if i decide to be the classy person in me and take my piercings out and decorate my house all modern then im gonna wanna go back to having piercings and posters on the walls instead of art. Its really hard to describe what Im going through. Has anyone experienced this? Thanks to all that read this and respond with respectful answers.


  1. The best thing is to be who you want to be and don’t listen to those nay sayers. Do what you want to do and be free.

  2. When I think of classy, rock and roll and girly, i think of avril leveign. she seems to pull off all three of them nicely. i just went through something like that actually, even though im only sixteen. in the end i decided that all the things i wanted to be made me, and that im a little bit of each. thats what makes me unique, im not the one general steriotype, im a bunch of little things put together to make me.

  3. There are a lot of subcultures that mix and match a bit of everything that you’re talking about. The real problem here is that you are defining your “self,” as in who you are, the essence of your being so to speak through objects. You are taking the physical objects around you that are available to you through your culture and economic status and using them as tangible pieces of you. The rock posters are only a reflection of the fact that you like rock, but you see them as an accessory like a purse or a certain shoe.
    I honestly think you don’t know what modern art is. And if you think wearing heels and moving mod furniture in your room will make you sophisticated, it won’t. As soon as someone has any sort of conversation with you, I think it will be apparent that you are all artifice and no essence.
    You sound spoiled and bored. Not everything you like can be bought, sold, and displayed. Emotions and a depth of life aren’t sold in stores and don’t go on sale. Read a modern novel like Nabokov’s Bend Sinister. Study Modern Cubism, or Dadaist poetry. Explore music by era, genre, location. Basically, grow up and learn a little more about the world. I’m trying to be as respectful as possible, but…really?

  4. No it is hard to understand with out knowing you and how you got this way did you have a family who did every thing for you and told you how lucky you are being you so you never took time know your self You see it is hard to know but that is what I see from my place Sometimes you need to sand off all the old color and primer a car before you know what color to paint it Stop thinking about all the possible outcomes and get some focus in life it’s all to short “Live love laugh your way to happiness”

  5. Life would be very incredibly boring if we stopped growing and learning about ourselves at the age of 20.
    I am more than twice your age and still learning about myself, what I like and don’t like, and I don’t think that will ever stop.
    Being yourself means being free to explore life and discover yourself over and over again in many different ways. Just look at the example of Madonna who has done this very publicly.
    I think what people mean about being yourself is not trying to be something just for the sake of pleasing someone else, as that effectively puts your journey of self-discovery on hold while you are a passenger on someone else’s journey.

  6. Yes, but not in the form you describe. You are a classic Cameleon.
    You have the beautiful gift of accessing all aspects of yourself and enjoy the variety of your life expression.
    Who are you? You are spirit – you are therefore everything that exists.
    Anything else will limit you, so be free and love every aspect of yourself and enjoy. This is a rich life. You do not need to identify yourself with false gods or indentities in the limited realm of the physical.


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