Home Discussion Forum I am still in love with my therapist after a year. Any...

I am still in love with my therapist after a year. Any advice?

I know people call it transference but this seems much different. My therapist and I have so much in common. We both are in the helping feild; her a psychologist; me a crisis counselor. We both love science, history and learning. We both are very spiritual, democratic, bohemian, environmentalist, feminist,tomboy femme, (although she is more femme than me). She coached softball and I played baseball. She is against abortion and has a christain background just like me. What are the odds that 2 people have this much in common in a small midwestern city? (the bible belt basically). She is bisexual and I am a lesbian. We do have some differences such as she is a little more conservative than me and she smokes. She is not really an animal activist like me either. She is good at algebra yet bad at geometry. I am bad at math period.
From the start we had this connection; it was like sparks. She has cried with me so many times and some of those times were when we were seperated..
She gave me flowers on my birthday. Called me once a week. Gave me free sessions, winked at me. She once told me she was holding me in her mind. I wrote her poems and she wept with joy. We hugged all the time. She blushes everytime I flirt with her and she flirts right back. she winks at me and when we look into each others eyes I feel safe. Sometimes we just stare at each other and we have even fought. Once when we were looking at each other. She looked at me and asked me what just happened? I think she felt what I was feeling. we talked of how we were in the danger zone and of her ethics. she admitted to me she would visit me if she could, she would do “more” with me. I once asked if she fantasized about me and she just giggled. She never gave me a yes or no. That was the same night we had a 2 hour conversation where we talked of sex. She even was jealous when I flirted with another women. She glared at me and slammed the door when she saw me taling to the women.
every time I mention getting a new therapist she gets very emotional. She gives me free sessions. She always makes sure she has time for me. Once when medicaid would not approve anymore sessions she said she would fight for me. She also said: isn’t caring a form of love. I do care for you very deeply and would be devestated if you were gone.


  1. I think if you look hard enough you can find similarities between any two people. I hate to say this, but you may need to get therapy for your therapist. If this one happens to attract you too, you’ll know you have an issue.

  2. Wow , =]
    how about taking her out to lunch , and have a talk with her about how you feel .
    Im sure she would love to hear.
    You both have so much in common .

  3. Your therapist has crossed the ethical boundaries of a professional relationship with you, you should seek out another therapist for therapy. One gage on your current relationship is how it changes when your love interest is no longer an authoritative figure in the relationship.

  4. She is crossing the line as your therapist. Seek another therapist and then you are both free to pursue whatever you want.

  5. Transference is powerful stuff. So is countertransference. Freud warned everyone against it. All love is a neurotic symptom, and transference with your therapist is the worst kind. It is a defense against a cure. Your poor ignorant unconscious mind wants you to remain neurotic because your symptoms are defense mechanisms.
    Transference has to be removed so you can get on with your life. Carl Jung made the same excuses you are making and went on to have a love affair with one of his patients. It was a disaster. It ruined the girl’s life. It will ruin yours too. It will ruin your therapist’s life to boot. It’s like falling in love with your high school teacher. You will change and she will change the moment you have sex with each other. You will see. You will go bonkers. The only way it will work is if you are both chaste with each other. You will have to become nuns. And even then it will be iffy.
    I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but somebody has to at least try to convince you.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here