I met my husband a year ago and we had premarital sex a lot. He is very religious and had a prob. with it, but we did it anyway. Now that we’re married (under 6 mos) he says he has totally lost his sex drive. He said he is struggling with the fact that we “sinned” before our wedding (even tho both of us have been married before), and although he’s asked God to forgive him, he knows that he is forgiven, but is still struggling with it. I have accused him of having an affair or even being a homosexual because I know he did experiment with that before we met. He denies both. Nothing else has changed in our relationship to warrant such a lack of drive for him–we don’t argue and there’s no stress besides this issue. How in the world can i compete with such a “reason” as he’s giving me (spiritual one). He knows i am attracted to him and i stroke his ego often. Help!

18 Comments

  • Tell him sex is part of the healthy relationship you hope to have with him. Give him a week or so and then get out.

  • remind him of who he is married to…YOU not some god whom has not been proven to exist. If he can’t get over it then tell him to have a nice life in a monestary where he can jack off to god all he wants.

  • Okay, I am a Christian and I too have had pre-marital sex. I am not proud of that, especially given my spiritual beliefs. I do believe it is a sin. Still, God created the institution of marriage and designed for sex in a marriage to be a beautiful thing. He intended for us to enjoy sex within the confines of marriage. Yes, God calls it sin when we have sex before marriage. When we do sin in that way, I believe that it pleases God when we marry that person so that we are no longer sinning when we are having sex. That is, of course, if we are marrying the right person and we truly love each other. I don’t believe God wants us to marry anyone just because we had sex together. God wants our marriages to be happy and to last. Anyway, your husband’s reasons for not wanting sex are not Biblically-based. There is nothing in the Bible that says that if you have sex before marriage, you are not entitled to it during marriage. Quite the contrary. The apostle Paul even said that he himself is against people marrying because he felt that they should be able to devote their full energies into serving the Lord without distractions. He also said, however, that if a person cannot live without the temptation of sex, then they should by all means be married so that they can they partake of sex without sinning against God. If your husband believes that you and him have sinned, then you should both pray to God and ask for forgiveness. God is a loving God and He forgives our sins and mistakes. He knows our weaknesses and understands because He created us. If your husband believes that God frowns upon sex before marriage, then I wonder if he also believes that Satan enjoys driving believers apart and away from God. The institution of marriage is a God-ordained thing. Sex is part of marriage, and the Bible even says that husbands and wives should not withhold sex from each other. What your husband is doing is NOT Biblically sound and is contrary to what the Bible says. It is destructive to your marriage and is in fact a sin in itself because as I said, the Bible says that husbands and wives should not withhold sex from each other. If after pointing these things out to your husband, he still does not change, then I would seek marital counseling from a church pastor (who is well-trained and qualified to counsel – many can preach but are not qualified to counsel because they lack the psychological training). There are many Christian counselors available as well. You can find one in your area by contacting Focus on the Family (see their website) and they can connect you to a marriage and family counselor in your area. Your husband needs to hear from someone other than you that his rationale is not biblical and is not right. Best wishes.

  • Your husband is full of SH*T. If he was that God fearing why did he have premarital sex, could he not have waited and asked you to do the same. I think your husband is a freak, because he can only get it on if he is fearful, that is he feared God and enjoyed premarital sex, now that he is married there is no fear anymore. Trying getting it on in a public place where there is a fear of getting caught, if he can get it on, then you know. He then probably needs to see a shrink.

    Or your hubby is Gay. Try dressing up like a guy and wear a strap-on, he might like it. good luck

  • WOW THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, IF HE IS STRUGGLING SO MUCH WITH YOU TWO HAVING PRE-MARITAL SEX MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK HIM WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT MEN BEING WITH MEN AND WOMEN BEING WITH WOMEN.I THINK THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIM BUT,I DON’T BELIEVE IT IS YOU.IF HE CAN’T OVERCOME THIS ISSUE PERHAPS YOU SHOULD GET OUT BEFORE YOU WASTE ANYMORE TIME ON THIS ONE.YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY–IF YOU DON’T FEED YOUR DOG AT HOME IT’LL GO SOME WHERE ELSE TO BE FED.GOOD LUCK.

  • I smell something funny here…..

    His spiritual reasons didn’t stop him from fooling around prior to the marriage. Now all of a sudden he has a problem?? Go fishing for a deeper issue here.

  • He sounds like a nutcase. “Spiritual”… my a**. He’s probably realizing he’s made a mistake marrying you, but is afraid to tell you that. Run, and find yourself a guy who is not a religious fundamentalist.

  • IF HE’S A JESUS FREAK, GET RID OF HIM. HE’LL GET ALL WEIRD ON YOU. START TELLING YOU YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH AND SPEAK IN TONGUE.

  • Yeah, like the other guy said…………..your husband is gay !!! The spiritual crap is exactly that, just a bunch of crap. It was fine then but not now ??? Give me a break. You’ve been married for only 6 months, you should STILL be doing it SEVERAL times a day !!! Sounds like another gay man married a girl “on the down low” in order to have a child. I’m sure the signs are there, you just have to look for them……..

  • One does not “experiment” with homosexuality. There is a problem other than spiritual in my opinion. Another woman? Another man? Turned off by having sex with a woman? You won’t know without talking it through. Use a counselor to help you two communicate on this issue.

  • Get an annulment unless you want to live in misery for the rest of your married life. Girlfriend there is somebody out there that will jump your bones everyday every hour before and after you are married. Its kind of low of this individual to use religion as an excuse, I never heard of that one.

  • Well for one, if he is so religious, show him in the Bible where it says to render each their due. The husband to the wife, and the wife to the husband. And/or get the Carmen Electra Stripperobics and learn a routine or two and dance for him. Works every time! And while premarital sex is wrong, so is Homosexuality. Again him being so religious, if he is struggling with wondering if God has forgiven him for the premarital sex, he should also feel that way about experimenting with Homosexuality. God destroyed cites over gay and lesbian activities. (Like it or not, it’s a fact.)

  • The bible states that it is better to marry than to burn in Hell because of the lack of Self control…..if he was worried about hell then he should have said no then…..Now he is full of crap….like white on rice full of it……

  • he is upset because he is gay! if you experiment with a man he is a fag plain and simple, thats his problem and he cant deal with it

Leave a Comment