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How to be strong after the break-up?

I’m 24 now and my ex bf is turning 34 this august. He is already married but has no child but they adopted a child. When we are together he says that he left his wife becuase they almost quarrel and his wife always nags him.
I accept him what kind of person he was. He want me to be nice to his family. In short, he is longning for a true love.We moved to a house and live like a husband and wife. On my side no one knows that we live together.Are relationship became happy for a year.I and his family became close. I almost meet his sisters and brothers, shared with them special moments.
Until one time i noticed that he always went home drunk. I asked him why? but he answers me never mind, i just want to take my sleep.Being the gf i need answers.He became stubborn from time to time and me always asked him what his problem, but he don’t answer. Thats the time we start quarreling.
On may behind, He text his first gf, they became textmate and had an afair. He always confines in his ex every time we quarrel. Until last december when he went home theny meet with his ex a have one night affair but still we’re together.Last february when he decided to live me. He instructed me to go to our house and he will move to other house near his office. He cheated me for 5 months.
Now that we broke up i feel miserable for my self. I always asked myself what may the cause of our break-up. Until one time he texted me that the cause of our breakup is because i always nags him. For me its a problem that two person can talked to. Now, I felt being traited by them. I felt that karma strikes me fastly because I now he is married but still i go for having a relation with him.
I always asked to myself do i deserve him, do i deserve to be dumped. Do they have conscience? Does my ex don’t felt any guilt what happened to us? with his wife? and know he has another girl that he consider his soulmate and destiny for 14 year?
Please help me to clear my doubts.
For me it not enough that we live in one house.Yes, we see each other every night but we don;t even talked what happened the rest

3 COMMENTS

  1. girlfriend, it sounds like he is playing you, If he is married, leave him alone. The same way he treats his wife is the same way he is treating you. He wants his cake and his ice cream. The cause of the break up is because he couldnt do what he wanted to do and he can’t be nagged unless he wasn’t doing right. You deserve better,

  2. Oh Sweetie, you’ve chosen the wrong guy. He doesn’t deserve you. He is not prepared to make a commitment to anybody. The best thing that could have happened to you is that he left you sooner rather than later.
    I suspect he is narcissistic – self-focused, and will become angry if anyone doesn’t agree with what he says, however wrong he might be. This type of person always blames someone, anyone else for whatever they have done wrong or stupidly themselves. Another sign is substance abuse – such as alcohol. He is projecting his problems outward from himself onto you and others. Whether you nagged him or not is actually not relevant. He will say you did even if you didn’t because it can never be his fault. He has no conscience and never will. This is the nature of the beast. He is unable to feel guilt.
    I feel sorry for you, and his wife and child, and any other woman he cons. Your dream has told you the relationship is dead and that you must move on. And move into accommodation that you don’t share with him.
    The important thing for you to do is to recover your self-esteem. People who are narcissistic as this guy sounds are charismatic and charming at first which draws you into their web, BUT when you disagree with them or don’t give them everything they ask, then they turn nasty. He will only drain you of your self esteem further if you have any contact with him because a man like that can make you feel as if you are to blame and you will come to believe it even though it’s garbage.
    I would say, give yourself space, don’t jump quickly into a new relationship until you have worked on yourself, as you would be likely to attract the same type of person again. Instead, work on loving the beautiful person you are and you will find a man of your own age (much nicer) once you project a confident image of yourself into the world.
    And remember, it is normal to grieve the loss of what you hoped things would be.

  3. “Rule-of-thumb” … “never” have any kind of relationship with a married man. Never. Ever. Tell them to come back and see you when they have divorce papers in their hand.
    It is only natural to feel miserable after a break-up. You will feel many feelings which may include heartbreak, loneliness, hurt, and an emptiness.
    To get over this — you first have to make-up your mind that you really DO want to get over it. If you DO want to get over it — you can’t allow yourself to wallow in the sorrow. Just give yourself a little amount of time to mourn over your loss – and mourn your heartbreak .. then do several things … throw away everything that reminds you of him/you together. If you live in the same apartment that you and he lived in — move to a completely new spot .. start all over again .. and get rid of ALL his stuff (even if it’s just storing it in a box somewhere .. but get it completely out-of-your-sight).
    Do NOT allow yourself to sit around and think about him – control your thoughts – and if you start to think of him – go do something else – get busy with new things. Do NOT talk about him to other friends — talk like this just renews the feelings – and slows down the recovery process.
    Take up a new hobby — get interested in other things, people, places.
    Don’t allow him to call you — don’t allow him to come around you — and don’t allow him to tell you sweet things.
    Just know, “TIME” .. is the healer of all things.
    ” IF ” .. you really want to get over him — put him out of your life completely. Shut all doors.
    And — most importantly — want better for yourself. You are settleing for something that is not so good … you deserve better – and you should set your goals to find someone who will love you with all their heart .. and belong to NO one else, but only to you.
    You can do this … you just have to want to first .. then do it.
    Best wishes.

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