How does this sound (wording-wise), please do not judge?

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Is it clear enough?
We all dream of a time when we don’t have to work anymore, live free from disease, poverty, pain and death. This feeling reminds us of a time long ago, where technology is more advanced that it is now and man lived in total harmony with his environment
Members from past Golden Ages millions of years ago still walk among us to this day, and we can join them. People have been resurrecting from the dead long before the days of Lazarus, and have total power over this world. Sages can communicate telepathically with others, walk through walls, teleport at will, shape-shift, become invisible and more. Nothing is impossible for them. Immortals guide humanity to promote spiritual evolution and freedom, by working from retreats deep under mountain ranges or in bases beneath the ocean. Century after century, they do not give up on us. Immortals have perfect bodies and can appear at any age by lowering or raising the vibrations of their bodies into different realms of universal light.

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TEH TYME KITTEH ~pantheist~

We have become slaves to freedom

BoogyMan Messiah

It is clear in that I can clearly understand the individual words on the page.
However, taken as a whole, it is very unclear. You make a great many assertions which are unsupported and unconnected. If your intent is to persuade or inform, this piece of writing needs quite a bit of work.

Fireball

no they havent. They are all sleeping still…PARADISE WILL COME BACK YES…but we will work in something fascinating and our bodies wont get tired.

Suzy

First paragraph is good, second is way off.

ScottyJae

Are you truly looking for gramatical clarification in the R&S section or are you trying to make a statement without having it questioned?
Wording-wise. Looks ok to me. Logically, it doesn’t stand to reason.

Marytoo

sounds like total rubbish you only have one shot at conciousness enjoy it all these promises of after life are designed to keep you working and breeding quietly till you die, thus causing no trouble to those who rule

Eclectic Heretic

Second paragraph is too long. It could be divided in a couple of places without losing the meaning. Long paragraphs tend to get ignored.
Also, when you write something like this, you need to provide sources unless you are writing a work of fiction. Right now, that is all you have.

Judith A

Hi Michael,
I’m confused by these 2 thoughts:
“This feeling reminds us of a long time ago . . .,” which seems to indicate that the everyone has these memories, and “Members from past Golden Ages millions of years ago still walk among us. . .,” which seems to indicate that only certain people would remember past ages.
Also, you wrote: “We all dream of a time when we don’t have to work anymore, live free from disease, poverty, pain and death.”
That doesn’t resonate with me and the whole first paragraph seems like a throwaway intro. Personally I would either start with the second paragraph or maybe even switch the paragraphs, but clarify what “reminds us” means.
Good luck!
Judith

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