Home Discussion Forum How do deal with loss from a spiritual perspective?

How do deal with loss from a spiritual perspective?

Having a bit of a spiritual crisis here. Been working really hard on improving my attitude and state of mind trying to accept things as they are and when life’s little nuisances come just try not to take it personal and realize that is just the nature of life here on earth. The first biggie has come up. I’ll try to give it to in brief. My sister got emergency custody of her half sister’s (not my sister) two children. The emergency placement was due to the mother’s involvement and kid’s exposure to meth. A six year old girl and a two month old boy. My family (sister and a bro in law with help of grandparents) have been taking care of these children since June. There was a detailed reunification plan set into place that the mom would have to fulfill to regain the children. The mom moved, new county new social worker, plan thrown out window, looks like she will get the kids back after the first of the year. I realize that while I have no way of knowing what the outcome will be, if the kids go back to their mom that is something that I will have to accept. That is the easy part now for the part that I am struggling with. Not only do I have to accept these events but I have to keep an open mind and heart, which means the next time the opportunity comes up to be apart of someone lives or get attached to someone I should not be guarded or jaded because of this loss. I have no idea how to that, I know that if I live my life trying to keep my heart protected I am not really living life. Any suggestions on this?
Did not think it necessary to point this out in the beginning but I suppose I was wrong, I do not believe in God or the power of prayer. Praying is pointless; it’s like flipping a coin, as the good Rev. Carlin said 50% of the time will you get your way. Sorry folks, Spirtual does not equal Religious
thanks everyone I really appreicate all the answers I really did get something from what you guys said, whether or not this is a loss is purely a matter of perspective. I don’t believe I have lost anything from loving these kids and I have mended some fences with my family by working together with them to help take care if the children.


  1. Paul notes, of loss/increase, only the increase is “of God”.
    If there’s loss (decrease), it’s obviously not of nor from God.
    Perhaps you’re problem is what you’ve set as spritual after.

  2. Keep your head where your feet are. Remain in the Here and Now and live every moment to the fullest. You are right, you have to accept the things you cannot change, just don’t let them change you.

  3. Lead with your heart. After you have done your best rest with the assurance that God is handling the details. Your best may include corrective action on your part. Report this to the highest authorities. Get the press and television involved if you haven’t already. This is news. Perhaps the public will hold the bureaucracy responsible. Children need all the help we can give them.

  4. I also struggled with this question when I was going through some hard break-ups with girlfriends. You never want to become jaded; yes, you will be protected from pain, but you will also be protected from love! I found that if I loved someone, and treated them as Christ would treat them, I would experience a mini-miracle. There were times where my heart should have been ripped out of my chest but Jesus protected my feelings because I was loving them like I should have. God is love! God is eternal! Throw away the word picture that you lose a piece of your heart every time you are betrayed. In that thinking you have finite pieces, your love through Christ is eternal.

  5. Yes. You must have more confidence and faith knowing that God has a purpose and a plan for everything that happens. In reference to the children, He in is wisdom knew that your involvement would be best for the kids, whether that would be short or long term. He said that His wisdom is not ours, so we must commit ourselves to being totally accepting of His will and not ours. What a perplexing situation. It is kind of like that with my grandson at times, getting attached and having him pulled back into adverse situations. So I do fully understand and can relate to how overwhelming the grief in your heart is at this time. what I have found is that it is best to let Him have His way about these life crisis and trust that He will do what is best. For all of the love and patience you have given these children, please know that despite the fact that the mom may get them back, God is birthing an annointing for you and them. He has got it all in control.
    Don’t shy away from giving your love wholeheartedly to others as you have done with these children, your blessings are in that and the simplest concept Jesus taught us was to love even when it hurts. You can continue to be a blessing in these childrens life by having a relationship with the mother so that you can still give them guidance and they can be sure that no matter what happens you will be there for them. God chose you for a reason friend. The job is not over.
    I love reading of your compassion and pure love, the loving kindness in your heart and how you have reached out despite the negativity of the circumstance.
    You have planted a seed, God will Harvest it, and just know that these are your good works and your rewards will come in plentitude.
    God bless you and try to remain open. Don’t hide your gift of love and nurturing under a bushel, since you have told us, we all know about how wonderful you really are now, don’t you? (smile)
    God bless you and may He bring peace and prosperity to you and your household.

  6. Wow, this is hard. I applaud your efforts at coping. The only thing I could think of as I read your story was prayer. St. Anthony the Great, in one of his letters to his spiritual children, taught me a new way to pray some years ago. We all know to pray prayers of thanksgiving, praise and supplication. He said to pray prayers of pain and woe and hurt and grief and doubt. Tell Jesus about all the things that hurt you, bewilder you, make you cry either inwardly or outwardly..and just leave those prayers at the feet of your Lord, for Him to do about them what He will. I have seen astonishing results from that. Why? St. Anthony says it’s because of your humility in opening up yourself to be totally honest with God, about flaws and weaknesses and all, and then also having the faith and humility to trust that God will do what ever is best for everyone involved..because He knows the hearts of all involved. I have seen situations I thought were totally hopeless take a turn for the better. I have seen blessings I could not ever have imagined existed. And if I was wrong in my perspective, and that was why I was so hurt, I have seen my own perspective and understanding corrected, and so I gained my peace. I would be praying every day about how much it hurts not to have those children in your life. I would be praying everyday that God protect those children, and if He blesses them to stay with your sister, He’ll strengthen that desire in the minds and hearts of your sister, the children, their mother and this new social worker, and if He doesn’t bless them to stay, then He will bless them in their lives and hearts forever. And then I would accept the outcome. I would still be praying about the hurt that generates in my own heart. I would be praying about how afraid I might be about opening my heart again, for fear of this type of pain again. I would just lay it all out in prayer, very much like how you’ve done here, and leave it.
    When I read that approach to prayer by St. Anthony, I thought of it like a bank deposit. If we make a deposit in the bank, and the bank has said it will pay 0.00000001 % interest (current rate, I think!), we don’t have to go ask the president of the bank how he will manage to make sure he can and will pay us the advertised interest. We don’t make him prove it to us, or harass him about it. We simply trust it will happen. Well if you “deposit” all your hurts and woes and pains and griefs at the feet of Christ, you can also trust He will do what is the most beneficial for everyone concerned, everyone who has any part in the situations and that includes you. Trust God to do what is best. That’s how you trust again. Will there be other wounds in life? Of course. Christ endured not only the crown of thorns, but being spat upon, nailed to the cross, mocked, ridiculed, stabbed, given vinegar and gaul to drink as He died…He endured quite a few insults for us. It’s only reasonable to think we will be called on to endure many insults in life if we follow Him. God bless you as you embark on this yet new level of spiritual growth. Never hesitate to email me if you wish. I will also be praying that God do what is best for those children for the rest of their lives. It may well be to be reunited with their mother, because the lack of love of parents can do irreparable harm to people, even if they have the love of others around them. It might be that the mother has learned her lesson by loosing her children..only God really knows, and so that’s Who I would be talking to about all this. Again, God bless you and all your family.

  7. Bear in mind that I am just a man of little or no knowledge. It looks like you understand that the kids will probably go back with their mom and you are right in that you do not know what the outcome will be. Some of the best kids come out of families with drugs and/or alcohol problems, because they see the effect first hand and decide that it will not be a part of their lives. Also, Some of the most Holy and Spiritual Christians I know came through a very hard life.
    From what you have written I believe that you doing two main things wrong. First let me ask you a couple of questions:
    Did you in growing attached to these kids by show them love and compassion?
    Did you see them draw closer to you because of it?
    Did you see the girl respond to it with love? The baby would show this by grabbing you hair of clothing and not wanting to let go when you held him and tried to put him down or hand him to someone else.
    If the answer to these is yes, then a couple of things happened. Their lives were changed by your selfless act of giving love and compassion. Your life was changed by the Joy of the Lord you felt in your heart when you saw or felt them respond to your selfless acts of giving of yourself or your heart.
    This is the whole point of the Word of God, we give of ourselves selflessly and God blesses us with the joyful happy feeling inside of us. This is how the true Word of God works.
    So now, after you experienced this Joy of the Lord, why are you trading your experience of the Joy of the Lord to the devil for things that have not even happened and might not happen at all?
    Why are you looking at everything as a loss when in truth your life has been blessed by the experience of having the two of them in it?
    Do you think or wish they never come into your life?
    I do not know or care how old you are but look back over your life at every benevolent or loving or charitable thing you have ever done for anyone and ask yourself if you played the “What if or could have happened” game. Hopefully the answer is no.
    So, now you are thinking of cutting yourself off form the blessing of the Joy of the Lord because you look at it all as a loss instead of a blessing. What is wrong with this picture?
    Now, I must ask you, if the kids go back to their mom and she is JUST in the next county what is stopping you form going to see them? Even if you do not know of like their mom, did you ever stop to think that maybe if she does not have anyone to show her true selfless love? and that maybe just maybe if you start to visit and show love to all of them just because they too are God’s children and that you want nothing in return it might help change their lives?
    Jesus broke everything down into two commandments basically; love God first then our neighbors as ourselves. Notice that we are third in the list, first God then others then us.
    So what it all comes down to is this, Even if you never see the kids again was your life made better or worse by their being in it? That is determined by how you want to look at it. So in your eyes was sharing love a blessing or a curse? I believe that in God’s eyes giving love is always a blessing if for no other reason than you might have given someone something no one else ever has.
    Your choice!!!


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