Okay, so I’m not sure how long I’ve had derealization, but I’ve started to notice how I felt around November 2009. I’m not sure how I got it either, although I remember feeling a bit out of it every once in a while when I would get really stressed out or anxious. But it would only last a day or so from what I can remember and it was also very rare. That was around April and May 2009. In July 2009 I moved from my home I’ve lived in my whole life, and it really affected me since my parents are divorced and it sorta felt like my family was breaking up because my brother was going to live with my dad and my mom and I were moving somewhere else with her boyfriend. After we moved, I can’t say I was depressed because I know how that feels now, but I was indeed pretty upset. Then we lost all three of our cats I’ve had basically my whole life. I know these things seem kinda juvenile and at the time I was quite upset over it, but I didn’t think it effected me so much. Besides all of this I started smoking weed, and every time I got high I always had to remind myself that I was in fact “there”. If I smoked to much I would just freak out, but I don’t remember ever having a panic attack, my heart would just beat supper fast but I would convince myself what was happening. The reason I’m not sure how long I’ve had it for, is because I just though I was just high from the previous day, and that it eventually faded. But I think that I kept on smoking and it just builded up over time, does this make sense?
Also I only realized what this was in December 2009, and ever since then getting through the day takes a lot of effort. I have to remind myself I’m not losing my mind but other times it just seems hopeless, and I don’t see the point of going on through life if it’s just going to be like this forever. Although I know I would never do anything that stupid, it’s just starting to get really hard. I’m constantly thinking and obsessing over it, even though I know I shouldn’t but it’s really hard not too. I was also wondering if I’m getting better, because things are starting to look more familiar, the constant feeling I have is that I’m living life in a dream, but before I used to have an out of body experience, which I don’t have anymore. So I don’t know, I find it easy to talk to people, in fact it sorta helps, I’ve also tried breathing exercises. Sometimes I question if I even have it anymore but when I close my eyes I just feel like I’m in my own world and I can just escape from everything else around me. I’m in my last year of high school and some of my friends are experiencing this too. But for other reasons like depression and epilepsy. And their on Prozac, but I don’t want to go on medication. I would just like to overcome it, hopefully sooner than later… I was just wondering does this seem like a legit reason for getting derealization? And if you have it, do you feel like that when you close your eyes?
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