Home Discussion Forum How can I Stop my Self Consciousness from Ruining My Life?

How can I Stop my Self Consciousness from Ruining My Life?

Hi. My problem is really two problems. The first I seemed to have suffered most of my life and the second, in the last few months.
My first problem is one that I didn’t realise was a problem until I spoke to other people and read about it. Here goes: I am constantly occupied with what other people think about me, whether they like or don’t like me. This isn’t just with people I know, it’s strangers, the public, people at work or who I’m around in town or passing on the street for instance.For example, before going into the supermarket I will feel really self conscious and run scenarios through my head about what people think about me or how they will see me. Even being at the check-out counter in a queue will make me feel self-conscious as I think about how others around assess me. This isn’t normal, right? I am never relaxed when I talk to someone as I’m constantly thinking that they think I’m talking rubbish or look/act in someway stupid. In social situatons I can’t relax and I feel like I am always pretending to be confident. To others I am, but inside I am crying.
This has always ruled my life but I’m realising it’s ruining my life. I attract people who abuse my friendship/relationship. Most recently, I’m still in contact wth an emotionally abusive ex and broke friends with a girl who constantly took me for granted and betrayed my trust..I constantly change jobs due to feeling I don’t fit in or because I feel uncomfortable about someone who I think doesn’t like me rather, than havng the confidence to bite the bullet or stand up for myself.
Now I’ve started a job I really want and it pays extremely well but in my head I think I’m not good enough to do it and can’t believe the company has employed me, such a fraud. It calls for me to do presentations which I have done once but they fill me with dread. I’m scared because I don’t want to leave this job. It’s my third day and already I’m dreading walking into the office, worrying what to say to people and worrying that I’ll not fit in, or be as confident/funny/clever as the others in my team. I really want some help on how to overcome this.
My second problem is that in the last couple of months I find it so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I feel down in the morning, feel like staying in bed and ignoring everything and find it hard to motivate myself to do much other than go to work. I avoid what few friends (often arguing with them or feeling they are being negative towards me) I have now left and whereas once I was fit and regularly went to the gym, it’s a struggle now. I’d rather eat, surf the web every evening and avoid talking to my mum and dad who sit downstairs.
I’m 32, have been single for 2 years and feel very lonely. On the outside to others I’m confident, very attractive, friendly and outgoing. I seem fine but really I’m not. I just want to be happy, relaxed and normal. Sorry this is so long but this is the first time I can let my feelings out and your help would be appreciated.


  1. You’re worried about what people think–so, ASK THEM WHAT THEY THINK!
    Why live wondering and being miserable? Do you NOT want to live? Do you WANT to be unhappy? Why not occupy your mind with the thought that people love you!!
    Guess what? If people are telling you you’re attrctive and friendly, you are!!
    When we are at our weakest we tend to attract those who would dominate and control us. This does not mean that they are mean people, it means they are feeding on what your projecting.
    What most people like is someone is is loving, and caring, happy and confident! Do you not care about people? Arent you tired of being outside the looking glass?? When was the last time you threw your arms around someone and hugged them hard and said “Hey!! You know, I really love you!!”
    Sweetheart, dont waste your life fearing! Get out there and show the world you’re deserving of love and SHOW IT by GIVING IT!!
    I want you to imagine this: A little pixie is floating in front of you, and you have one wish: and wish is to be happy. The little pixie leans in to your ear and whispers: For the rest of your life, as long as you shall live, people will need you……

  2. Ok First of all take a step back and look in the mirror here stands a child brought into this world for great things. And as for what other people think. When you find yourself wondering about other people just remember that God loves you no matter who you are and if he is with you no one will stand against you…In other words they can only think the best of you if you think the best of yourself….Just look in the mirror, tell yourself that you love yourself, Go out and take the world by storm.

  3. You are describing Social Anxiety Disorder. I am paralyzed by it as well. I can’t stop worrying about other people judging me. My self-image places me at the same level as a monster.


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