Home Discussion Forum How can I get the people of My church to give me...

How can I get the people of My church to give me more money?

I just started running my church a year ago and I can’t believe how cheap these people are. I look in the collection plate every week and there’s nothing in there but pocket change and lint. (Someone even put in a coupon for Shake ‘N Bake.) Don’t these people realize I NEED a new Hummer? My plasma screen tv and Guicci loafers aren’t going to pay for themselves! I asked one of them about this one Sunday and the old hag said ‘You should really worry more about the poor.’ The POOR? I’m THE POOR! I don’t even have a DSL line in the rectory yet! I’m in so much debt right now I might have to start pawning some of the gold candle sticks. Ah, sorry, I had to vent. May the peace of the Lord be with you.

8 COMMENTS

  1. why don’t you try to franchise your church..
    and go on tv. If you have an 800 number you can get a lot of people to send you stuff.
    good luck with your hummer

  2. You need some good fire and brimstone preaching to get those cheapskates to give till it hurts!
    And dont forget to expand. You wont make more unless you increase the size of your congregation. Get those people out there, beating the streets for converts. Look at the Mormans, they’re out there every saturday on bicycles, and they have an entire STATE full of converts.

  3. Life sucks don’t it?? there you are a first class journeyman of your trade. It aint like you want much is it?? All the effort of copying someones sermons, reading them out with the thespian skill of a Shakespearean actor to a less that grateful congregation. I dunno, they sound MIGHTY cheap to me, no perspective at all, priorities shot to hell. Looks like those candlesticks are H i s t o r y.

  4. First of all if your seeking for materilistic items then your thoughts do not line up with God. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.
    Mat 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

  5. Keep a box outside the church, with a writing on it–
    “GOD WANTS MONEY FOR THE HELP OF THE POOR PEOPLE, DROP BIG VALUE NOTES AND GET THE BIGGEST BLESSINGS OF GOD. JESUS WILL DEFINITELY VISIT YOU WITH BLESSINGS OF GOD”

  6. It seems to me that u are in the wrong line of work if money is all you are worried about. My wife and I are Ministers and we give as much as we can, when ever we can but not just money. Time, a encouraging word, help. These things matter too. And WHAT DO U MEAN, YOU NEED A NEW HUMMER, You really need to pray and ask God to forgive you for your stinkin thinkin.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Related