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How abnormal are these thoughts?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I’ve been having a series of thoughts for the last several years that seem to be growing stronger over the last few months and I’d like some sort of baseline to understand how far “off” they may be from what is considered “normal” thinking. For context, I am a single (in a relationship) male, in my mid-30’s with a stable, well paying corporate job, parents who have been married for a ridiculously long period of time and a general healthy background.
I have several concepts that run through my head and I will try my best to summarize them here:
(1) I think humanity is inherently bad and all inhumans have black souls at their core. If you look at society, anything that humans do which is “good” only benefits them or corrects some problem they have created. I believe humanity has taken over the planet like a plague and is ultimately going to destroy the Earth if left unchecked. I believe things like abortion, war, murder and the sort are actually good, as they purge mankind and help control the population. Humans are completely malicious to animals and nature and at some point, I believe they should receive retribution.
(2) I do not believe in suicide, although I have contemplated the purpose of it and whether it is something I would ever consider and always come back to “No way”. While ending my life would help control the population, I have not procreated and have no desire to and I spend the majority of my free time helping animals in need.
(3) I do often have thoughts of violence or mayhem and there are many, many times when I wish that something like an apocalypse would happen so that I could truly test myself and make some meaningful contribution to this Earth. I believe that the mettle of man is only tested when the stuff hits the fan and crisis ensues. Solving day to day problems and doing chores and such does not measure the fortitude of a man. I honestly feel like, in a crisis or catastrophe, my spirit would be best utilized and I could truly make a difference.
(4) I think that people who exist simply to get married and have kids are a significant problem. They think so much within the box that has been defined for them, that they never stop to try and understand that they don’t HAVE to do that. They do not have to pour themselves in the mold that the rest of society wants them to fit in. The world needs no more children and people who have kids are selfish. Just as we neuter our animals because we have too many, we need contraception for humanity, as well. People think getting married and having kids is an achievement and it means nothing. Anyone can do it. How many losers do you see with kids and wives? It’s no achievement whatsoever, it’s just someone going along with what they are supposed to be doing.
(5) I do not believe in the Christian God and think that religion is generally a crutch for mankind to support himself when he believes his own mind is too weak. I do believe there is some spiritual force greater than us, but whether that is a god or gods or an alien or what, I have no idea. I do not believe God was a white man in a robe, as that discriminates against any creature non-white and not a human male. I do not believe any sort of being would pick one race over the other or one species over the other if they were all powerful. Again, I feel like people and the Bible and religion just need a convenient path to follow.
(6) I believe in aliens, I believe in ghosts, I believe in a lot of stuff that are abnormal to most. I have had an encounter with a ghost when I was a child and I know it was real. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and have been diagnosed by a psychologist and a psychiatrist as having moderate+ OCD. I am now on medication for it and it only helps slightly. I count numbers on signs, have to envelop people and creatures I care about in protective bubbles, knock on my knees and on my forehead when I have bad thoughts and things of that nature.
(7) Despite all of this, I have advanced in corporate American beyond 99% of my peers and hold a fairly senior position at a large corporate, successful company that is on the Fortune 500 list. I constantly outperform my peers and am well respected and asked for on large projects. I hate corporate American and hate to think that I will end up making spreadsheets and presentations for the rest of my life. That is not a life worth living.
(8) I often think that my life should be meaningful and how can I make it such. That’s when I get back to responding to catastrophes and really shining when it means something. Whenever I encounter emergencies, I shine and I take pride in being able to respond quickly. I have helped at car accidents, stopped a mugging (and chased the mugger) and other such incidents, but they are all drops in the bucket.
(9) Sometimes I just wish the Earth would explode or humanity would be wiped off the face of the planet, but I would obviously never do anyt

5 COMMENTS

  1. Sounds pretty normal to me, at least I hope so, because I have a lot of the same thoughts.
    I am also an agnostic male in my early 30s who believes in aliens and I hate sheeple. I dream of a zombie apocalypse or the end of mankind in 2012.
    I think you should consider a career change and also see if you can manage your OCD without meds.

  2. You are obviously not normal. But to call you that would be an insult. You are extraordinary indeed if your description is honest.
    Here is a new idea.
    It is tempting to think God is ignoring me when things do not go well. This may even be partially true if we have not established a relationship to him. So how do we do that?
    1)Ask the Spirit that made all things to come into your life. This prayer should be prayed silently as you are going to ask for a response and if you pray out loud there are other voices you may hear. The devils work through subliminal advertising. Ask Google what that is if you do not know. Also at the same time ask the Spirit for His name.
    2)Then out loud say “Spirits who love the name of (the name you were given) please come near and drive away the spirits of evil.” You may also ask for protection from evil at the same time. This prayer is out loud because only the Spirit that made all things can actually read your thoughts. Even the righteous spirits (angels) can not read your thoughts although if you tend to subs vocalize what you are thinking they may be able to make a good guess.
    3)Then determine something in your life that if it happened the way you want could possibly considered a miracle or at least highly unlikely. Say out loud “IN the name of (the name you were given) make (whatever you want) so”
    4)Watch and continue to follow the above as you and the rest of the corporeal cosmos need reminding.
    Not everything that happens to me or around me is good all the time but most of it is. I am blessed although I fuss from time to time and become disturbed. I am a child (to God) after all
    P.S. The Spirit That Made All Things answers inside your head (mind). You will hear nothing with your ears and the source will seem to be in the middle of your head. It is a thought you have never thought before. You can also get answers that as you learn to ask you can come to depend on. Probably will not make you financially more successful but that is between you and the Spirit.

  3. I don’t think your thoughts are abnormal at all. I mean, maybe most people would disagree to the way you feel about things like human existence and world crises. more ignorant people might think you’re a terrorist or crazy or a bad person. but in actuality, your views make a lot of sense and don’t differ too much from what I believe in.
    (1) I agree with your idea about humans being bad. I mean, I don’t see them with “black souls” but if you’re just trying to illustrate, then that makes sense. It’s true though. humans are like a virus to the earth. As we become more advanced, we’re destroying earth and its resources. In a metaphorical sense, it’s like a person who’s addicted to cigarettes. They know they’re destroying their body and they’re going to end up dying or with some cancer, but they do it anyway because it’s addicting and they don’t really value their life enough. it’s the same with the general human population, our addiction is making everything more convenient for us and making our lives better for ourselves and our family. i think humans as a whole are kind of stupid, we know that we’re killing our very foundation for life, yet we do it anyway because we don’t value our existence as much and we’re addicted to the easiness of modern day life. i mean, maybe there are a lot of people out there who realize the bigger issue, but they usually don’t have the power or tools to inform the general public.
    2) yes, suicide is always from depression, and you’re obviously not depressed. but you see the usefulness of suicide in terms of overpopulation.
    (3) i think you like catastrophes so much is because the life you have now is too meaningless and mediocre. it sounds like you have a lot of potential to help the world and you’re a very bright person who sees the bigger picture. i think the job you have now isn’t right for you. you should check into careers more related to philanthropy. except for the cause of animals and earth instead of humans.
    (4) i also agree with the whole marriage and kids things. it makes sense if you look at the bigger picture. i think people are just very sensitive in terms of their freedom. so when you say someone should not have kids, they’d think you’re bludgeoning their freedom and right to continue their “legacy”. plus people like to have kids because when you get old, all you really have is family. for most people anyway.
    (5) I completely agree with your belief on god and how mankind has created it as a crutch for their faith in existence and purpose. if you think about, humans don’t really have a purpose. and if everyone realized that, they’d all be depressed. that’s why people tell themselves their purposes in life are love, family, helping others, etc. but in the big, big picture. we have no purpose.
    (6) Sounds like maybe the orderly life you lead could contribute to your OCD? Maybe you need to just let loose and live your life another way that is sort of counteractive to order and cleanliness. IDK though, i’m not a psychiatrist. haha.
    (9) Well your wish of human extinction will probably happen. I mean, the rate us human are going, we’re going to kill ourselves off somehow. And then the earth will probably become some desolate planet like mars. Then there might be a new dominant race of beings on Earth, or maybe Mars. But that’s just my imagination letting loose.
    Honestly, I don’t think your thoughts are abnormal at all. And from what i’ve told you, you may think i’m abnormal. but i’m not. I’m a 16 year old who leads a very normal life. Also, sorry if i wrote too much or gave too much advice. I hope i helped you see that your thoughts are not abnormal and they make sense. And i seriously think you should reconsider your current job and life. It sounds like you’re very opinionated and rational with an eye for the bigger picture. And that can be very useful to our society. So, hopefully you’ll find fulfillment someday.

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