Hey surfers and/or writers, what do you think about this?

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I’m working on a surfing scene, and I want to make it accurate and true to the experience. Here’s my excerpt; please tell me how to make it better–what you like and what can be improved. Thanks in advance!
“Cold salt water splashed on Josh’s face, but it was refreshing. The temperature was nearly ninety, but out there where the wind whipped across the water, he felt nothing but the charge of adrenaline and the peace of mind the ocean brought him every time he saw or felt it.
For him, riding waves was pure ecstasy. It was more than that; it was spiritual. Every time he hit the water, he was connected to nature in a way that was impossible to describe and even more impossible to ever live without.
He spotted his next ride. He paddled as fast and as hard as he could until the smooth pull of the wave took over. He got to his feet, shifted his weight to keep his balance, and cruised the sparkling water as it rose into a great blue wall that pushed toward the shore. The wave began to curl into itself just behind him as he finished gliding closer to his California beach. ”

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Carlie S

I like this.. it’s good.
flying though, surfing feels something like I would imagine flying to be like. Only on water.


Splendid scene. A very accurate portrayal of paddling into a gnarly pounder. If you’re making a screenplay you might want to check out the movie “Point Break” for some interesting surf photography and a look at the more, I suppose you can say, spiritual side of surfing.


Sound good. A suggestion would be to replace – but out there where the wind whipped accross the water, with
– but out there where the warm off shore breeze whipped accross the water
Your scene sound inviting though and refreshing.

Johnny Cool-whip

Well Califrnia water never gets eve close to 90, not even Hawaii Hawaii ges like 80-86 tops and that is tropical water. If its southern california in end summer I would say top would be 75 and that is extremily rare mostly lik 69-73.
“He spotted his next ride” could be changed to “He spotted a wall of liquid energy swiftly aproaching”
Mostly its not bad


Makes me wish I was out there right now.


sounds killer


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