Home Discussion Forum hey anybody else grew up like this?

hey anybody else grew up like this?

1. only child living without knowing my mom (why she left, where she is, those things, they told me she was an old hag that had several husbands and kids before me)
2. violent environment
3. depressed abusive suicidal drunk dad (only when he was drunk and angry still he was caring though)
4. saw dad commit suicide (first time, saved him, 2nd time didn’t see, he’s dead)
5. verbal abuse, molestation, some physical abuse
6. bullied and a loner until HS (sorta still am)
7. suicidal thoughts
8. low self confidence
9. always wants others happy even at my own expense
10. cuts
11. struggle with sexuality (so, people call this a phase or something right?)
sorry for this, i feel really depressed right now…. i feel really useless, weird, stupid and like I’m a burden to my grand parents… and i do realize this sounds really pathetic… coz i know some people have it worst than me, just trying to lift a load off my chest,
does life really get better?

8 COMMENTS

  1. Few people have had it worse than that. Have you ever considered Alateen or Adult Children of Alcoholics groups. I went to a lot of the Adult Children meetings when I was in Canada and I found a lot of answers. I also heard other stories like yours coming out of the mouths of adults who seemed to be doing well. So I guess life can get better.
    anyway, best wishes to you

  2. Most of it yes, I lived through. But honestly it can get better. My life was pretty awful for a long time. I tried to go to school for almost 10 years in my 20’s and could never pull it together. Finally went back to finish at 30, recently. Just live your life by your own standards, you don’t ever have to be anything in anyone else’s eyes. Learning what makes you happy will be a struggle, but you are here for a reason.
    I wish I could tell you it gets easier, it can. But you will never have a textbook sort of life, so stop trying to live up to that expectation, you can’t. I don’t dwell on the bad anymore, but I am also 35 years old now.
    Just go at your own pace and get out there and live. You have that opprutunity, to live your own life and create your own family. I don’t even think about my 20’s anymore, I am just glad they are finally over. Things come together when you least expect them to. But you will have to get a better outlook on life.
    Hard lesson really. I have forced myself to have a better outlook on life many times. And that’s the only real variable I can often control. My life isn’t mine anymore, in university now. Which is nice, I needed that distraction. But things got crazy last year and I got rather depressed. And I just put my foot down and disallowed myself to use those old self defating patterns. To change my outlook, it’s hard byt possible.
    Avoid self defeat, you are your worst enemy, learn that and live it. Children of depression are often prone to destroying their own lives. Really because we know the comfortability of being down, when things look up we freak out. Learn to identify your own triggers for self destruction and work to get rid of them. Make it a life’s mission, it will help a lot.

  3. i haven’t had all these things happen to me but i was molested when i was younger that is hard to get though but for the sexuality help call 1-866-488-73867(that is the right # even though it dosen’t look right) it is free and if your afraid to call go to thetrevorproject.org you can email them too

  4. i believe that you are what you choose by that i mean if you want a better life you have to choose that… it may mean changing your friends, environment, looks( clothing, hairstyle) but if you stay where you are now…… would things change? I doubt it… so make a change for the better… good luck… email me if you need some advice.

  5. I want you to know that you are not alone….I went through a similiar childhood(minus the alcohol addiction). I did not have my dad around and my mom had a different man every year living with us. our childhoods can really affect us as adults if we let them .It is up to you to be strongand realize that you are a special person who desreves the beautiful joys of life. i know you are down right now..there is a staying that sticks with me through hard times…”Trouble comes and goes…but happiness within yourself can last a lifetime”. You have to begin to love yourself..even if you think no one else does…it’s all about you and how you feel inside. I hate to bring religion in this…but whatever your higher power may be…look to it…trust me you will be fine my friend.

  6. I had a rough childhood but not as bad as yours. It’s a shame so many young children have/had to go through that kind of a life. The good part is: you don’t have to be that way when you are an adult. I know we do a lot by the way we are raised, but if we want better for ourselves and our family; we have to make the changes that it takes to do it. We all have the opportunity to be and do whatever we want. Hopefully, we will choose the things that will not keep us in the same environment that we were raised in.
    YOU can over-come anything. Only if YOU want a better life. You may have a little harder time getting it, but when you do; it will be worth it. Don’t give up on YOUR future. The more somebody tries to pull you down, or put you down; YOU let determination kick in and stand up for what is right and good and honest.
    I went to two different school ( like trade schools, today). I worked at each for at least twenty years or more; doing what I enjoyed doing and making really good money. Saving as much as I could for that rainy day. No matter how little you make; always have a little stash. Add to it little by little. Then, you will have money for things that are important and necessary for you.
    We need all the gumption that we can get to make things work. Make you a plan to make your life better. Put it down on paper. Do it honestly and fairly and you will succeed. Ask God to help you; He will give you all that you need and require. With his help, you will get all that you need.
    I hope there is something here that can help you have better, do better, feel better.
    It is never too late to get started…NOW.is the time. The best of luck to you.
    1

  7. It seems youve had very bad luck, but dont worry just try to find a way to get over the past, even though youve had very harsh times and experiences it does not end there. You still have an opportunity to change your life, dont give up. I know its not easy, I havent had it so easy myself. Suicide is not going to solve anything, I know you might feel very lonely but its part of life, we have to find and love ourselves before we can establish what we really want in life. Ive been struggling with my sexuallity myself and I know its a horrible feeling specially when you consider it a burden in your life which you cant get rid of. Theres nothing we could really do, but make the best out of every situation. If you do things right your future may be bright…Just stop feeling guilty if you do and stop being your own enemy, none of it is your fault. You need to accept yourself the way you are and just live for yourself, remember we cant love others if we dont love ourselves

  8. Yeah, I had most of what you describe. And it was a hard battle to save myself. In the end no other person could do it for me, I had to take control of my own life. On top of most of your experiences I was also diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder.
    I am 60 years old now and I still struggle with some stuff. However, when I reached my 16th birthday I made the decision to take control over my life. No other person has had any control since then. I have had much heartache, and even more love and happiness. I love to love and I give as much as I can give.
    My main issue was with self confidence, always wanting others to be happy even at my own expense and the struggle with sexuality.
    You see, to give up your own happiness to allow others to feel happy is doing yourself wrong. And why did I do it? Because of a need to be accepted and liked and, probably, a need to hide my ‘true condition’ (the person who is not worthy of anyone or anything – at least that was how it was with me).
    Now I put myself first. I believe that we can only truly make others happy when we are happy first. I believe that we can only truly love others when we love ourselves first.
    So start accepting and loving yourself with no conditions, with no judgements and with no boundaries. It is difficult but it works. Make the conscious decision every day to tell yourself that you are worthy and deserve love (as we all do) and all the good things of this world. And if you can’t find it close to home then look further afield.
    Conscious affirmations do actually work and I did disbelieve them at first.
    With that self acceptance will also come acceptance of what and who you are. The struggle for your right to feel love your way (sexuality) is also resolved.
    I would be looking at some kind of counselling as well. It is always easier when one can talk to someone. Perhaps a teen gay service in your area? Or on the net.
    In the end it does not matter what others think of you or what they do to you. The only person you have to live with is yourself. Nurture that unique person mate, it is worth it.
    Take care and good luck

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