Dearest chaps, one urgently needs help as my man Bagthorpe (87) has had the most terrible news, you see the Diesel lantern drinking old hag from the village has escaped yet again from château D’if.
One had her locked up due to the un wanting afflictions she suffered upon my poor man Bagthorpe (87), now he cannot sleep.
Interpol and Scotland Yard have told us that the wretched beast was locked up in the Edmund Dante’s suit in the old Château D’if and we would never see her again…but if memory servers me correctly…did he not escape and endure himself as the distinguished Count of Monte Cristo ?
What can we do…can you help…can anyone help…can we just snuff her out ?


  • slightly wrong old chap she is with the Count of Del Monte enjoying the fruits of life although she is pining for an apple, an feeling chunky about it, the man from Del Monte said yes.

  • Send the old bat to Chikurubi Gaol in Harare. Bob Mugabe, a jolly good school chum of mine from years ago, even if he is a tad on the tarbrush side, will be thrilled to bits to have a white woman to torture.

    Alternatively, you could give her to Sir Bedevere to test his theory of witch-finding out on.

  • Once again the simplest solution is always the best……
    if i recall the hag, was certainly almost on her last legs when we encaserated her.
    But where would the last place she would think to find Bagthorpe ? …………………………. exactly where she has escaped from ie the prison itself…..
    As my cousin is the “proprietor” of the establishment, I could have a word with him, and have one of the sea-views upgraded, to accomodate him, the iron mask is optional

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