Discussion Forum

Have you Fallen “In Love” with you spouse, then fallen “Out Of Love”, then you chose to Love your spouse?

Like Scott Peck wrote in “The Road Less Traveled” — “In Love” is just a feeling (giddy feeling, butterflies in the stomach, etc.) — but “True Love” is about the “extending of one’s ego boundaries to include another, and about the spiritual nurturing of another, in short, love is effort.”

My wife and I are in our 40s. My wife told me, after 16 years together and 7 years of marriage, that she loves me but is just not in love anymore. She does not want to try counseling. She is basically just giving up.

I am overall a good person / husband — faithful, non-abusive, provide for her well, do a lot to help around the house, keep myself in pretty good shape, etc. I do have my idiosyncracies — a little demanding / controlling in an indirect way. I’m very opinionated about most things and that sort of turns her off. I am 1000% committed to changing these ways — it’s just not worth it, I don’t need to be like that — I get nothing out of being like that and it hurts her. Plus, I never got along great with her 19-yr old son (my step-son) — just sort of cold and distance — I was wrong but I just never really reached out to him like I should have. (I’ve already made amends with him and we are in ngood place now.) But overall I am really a decent husband.

Anyway, if any of you went through this and made it through this, PLEASE tell me some of things that helped you get the help / understanding to get back on track. Specifically, what can I do / say to her to get her to reconsider?

Thank You !!!!!

Additional Details: There is definitely nobody that she is seeing on the side.

3 Comments

  • I know what you are going through, it happened to me sometime back, though it hurts very much, but you need to move on and let everything flow to its own path. but you need to have faith and tell yourself that she will come back to her senses and realized that she can non loose her 16 years of a good relationship for nothing, and the fact that she is not seeing anyone else gives you that hope. he left me because he was seeing someone else but I had the faith that he will come back to me and he did. Take it easy but tell her the truth about how you feel, don’t force her. It worked out for me and I know it will for you. Gud luck and all the best.

  • When something that you love walks away , you will walk down a path and fireflies that will capture your eyes. As she lets go , bottom line ….try harder ,or you will be alone !!

  • Firstly you can never make a person fall in love with you, i was with my partner for 5 years, had 2 kids with him and just arent in love with him anymore, we broke up and seperated for a year but then realised everything just made us be together, the kids, work, friends, everything so we decided to give it another go, he says he never stopped loving me but i can honestly say i am no longer in love with him and dont think i could ever be in love with him again, sure i love him but not in love with him. You cant force her to be with you, nor can you force yourself to change, you should never change for anyone. Maybe try talking about why she thinks its happened, could it be boredom? Same old thing day in day out? I think that was a part of mine … well hope this helped 😀 But good luck and dont give up, even if you remain friends its better than hating each other

Leave a Comment