OH, GOD, HELP!!! WHAT DO I DO? (PLEASE READ EVERYTHING)?

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  • #19072
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    Keymaster
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    First of all, let me say, before I get into any details, that I tend to be a very cynical person and I don’t trust people easily; but I know that this is all really just a front I put up because on the inside, I’m a complete softie who desperately wants to believe that people are really, at least usually, good, kind and unselfish. I don’t make friends easily, but when I do, they are friends for life. I also don’t fall in love easily, but when I do…
    I FEEL LIKE I’LL GO COMPLETELY F**KING INSANE!!! To be completely honest, this is the first time it’s ever happened to me (I’m 18). Let me back up and explain. Since about the beginning of this school year, I had been talking to this girl who, after a friendship of about 2 months, began to show serious interest in me. We’d had a lot of good, close, intimate and honest conversations together about personal things and got to know each other very well. So roughly 2 months into our friendship, though she was apparently too embarrassed to openly say it, she really wanted me to ask her out. She dropped this kind of hint in various ways, like for example, when she said once in a sad voice that after this year, we’d both go off to separate colleges and probably never see each other again. I didn’t pick up IMMEDIATELY that she liked me, but after a little while (I guess about a month after it started), it became clear to me. As things progressed and I got closer to her, I fell so deeply in love with her I scared even myself. Regardless of all this, for reasons that, when I look back on things, I can’t really see or understand, I never made a move. I kept this all inside for months; and to make matters worse, I could perceive that she liked me – but the problem was, I LOVED her!!! I LOVED HER SO MUCH I THOUGHT I’D GO OUT OF MY MIND! To be honest, I’ve wanted to ask her out during this period but either could not work up the nerve, or would just justify not doing anything to myself with lame bullshit reason like that she was simply too good for me and wouldn’t like me if she too close. This was obvious bullcrap because in reality, I wanted her so badly I could barely control myself. I clearly hurt her by not doing anything over the past few months, and it was all extremely f**king stupid on my part. I absolutely despise myself for it now.
    I loved her so much, but kept it all inside for months, and so now – unsurprisingly – I’ve become a tittering, obsessed neurasthenic, a crazed madman who’s fit for a straightjacket. I can’t concentrate for more than 5 seconds and the only reason I’m even able to write this in a coherent and readable fashion is because it all relates to her. If she so much as SMILES at me, suddenly, I’m in heaven; and many times I’ve found myself going out of my way to talk to her. I’d suffer an eternity of torment and boredom for so much as a 5 minute conversation with her.
    I know I’ve hurt her for not doing anything earlier and I wish to God now that I had – I’m SO SORRY FOR IT ALL! You have no idea how unbelievably agonizing and burdensome all this regret has been. And worst of all, in recent days, she’s been avoiding me, though before we at least talked to each other. Basically, the only reason I even came to at all school today was to go up to her, apologize for everything and finally tell her the truth, because it felt like if I held it in any longer, it would kill me. Needless to say, it didn’t work out and now I’m lucky if I can get so much as a “Hi,” from her. OH GOD, I WANTED TO DIE TODAY!!! I’M SO SORRY FOR ANY PAIN I MAY HAVE CAUSED HER, AND I JUST KNOW SHE’S AVOIDING ME BECAUSE I’VE UPSET HER!!!
    WHAT DO I DO???!!! I NEED to see her; I NEED to tell her! But how? I probably seem crazy right now. I guess in a way I am. I knew I shouldn’t have waited so long. Karma is a bitch. I take full responsibility for everything that’s happened to me and realize that’s it’s entirely my fault, but do I have any chance of making this work? Can I do anything? Is it too late? Help me!!
    By the way, I highly recommend that people go to the link below and read this story; it’s excellent. It’s called “About Love,” by Anton Chekhov, and it describes my situation perfectly.
    http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/achekhov/bl-achek-ablove.htm

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    • #345541
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      Keymaster
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      Go to her and tell her. She’s probably just getting even more mad the longer you wait. That anger will go away as soon as you tell her. If she’s still mad and says no, at least you can say you did it and get closure.

    • #345530
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      well explain it to her like you did your readers its obliously shows you really care about her. call or something. or go to her house and have her go on a walk with you and you could explain it to her

    • #345518
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      oh u poor thing , go n tell her how you feel ASAP b4 its too late , im sure it will work out in the end gud luck ! xx

    • #345505
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      Dude you need to pull her to the side grow some balls and let her know whats on your mind!! But leave out the whole obssessed with her thing lol no offense!! im sure it will change her mind once you let her know how you feel…she prob thought you were taking to long and felt you didnt reallly like her like that!!! she might feel the same way!!

    • #345501
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      Ok well i dont know a lotta bout lez love, but honestly y doesnt she just ask u out? Is there some kind of rule that ONLY this girl can ask the other out? It doesnt really make sense, and really, come on, if u ACTUALLY love her, I would think u could tell her how u feel. I mean its not that hard, just walk up to her and say i like u, a lot. And no offense but u sound really immature. Im 13 and at least i sound more mature. Ive had 6 boyfriends and all of them I did ACTUALLY love and I told them from the min i liked them that I liked them. Every guy I like and and that even if im almost in love with them I tell them I like them. To solve everything, just tell her how u feel.
      Hope I helped

    • #345497
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      Get your butt off the computer chair and go call her or meet her at her house! take her out for an icecream and tell her straight out how you feel. because you wont be able to sleep at night you crazy crazy man! ^_^ go for it! she likes you so there shouldnt be any problems winning her heart! just appologize for being mean to her and tell her that you love her deeply love her and you want to see her smile at you because it makes you feel like your in heaven. just tell her everything you just said and that your willing to make up for any loss times with eachother. GOODLUCK! GO FOR IT!!! GO GO GO YOU CAN DO IT! ^_^

    • #345489
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      my answer would look like Emma’s answer above mine.

    • #345474
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      You are so fricken adorable! I wish I had my crush felt the way you do. Don’t put so much blame on yourself, women can just as easily ask out guys now-a-days as guys can. She may be shy though, and unfortunately it’s hard when you have 2 shy people who like each other. It all comes down to whoever will take the risk (which is very small realistically) and ask the other out. You need to just talk to her one on one any chance you get and tell her your feelings and then ask her out. Trust me, your heart will thank you for it. You will feel a huge weight off of your shoulders even if she says no which it doesn’t look like will happen in your situation. Best of luck, but seriously, JUST TELL HER!

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