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How can I improve this poem? Is it clear?


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What was Asoka's Dharma? Thank you for answering.
Let there be Peace on Earth!
To Loan Shark of Bliss
Meena rides near her King, calm and proud, beautiful.
The wind in her long hair, she feels free and happy.
When Asoka calls her, she says, “Your Majesty!”
Joy sparkling in her eyes, and a smile so graceful.
Thin white clouds and blue birds cross the sky; Asoka
In his royal litter, calls out, “Water, Meena!”
She hurries to bring it, swiftly, faithfully drinking first.
Then she presents the cup: her Samrat should not thirst.
King Asoka orders the trumpeters to play.
People will discover a new edict today
Where Asoka proclaims the virtues of Piety.
“Victory by Dharma is the best victory”.
The king looks at Meena, “I give you an order:
Tell me about the deeds of great Alexander.
Opis saw him pray and with all share his blessed wine;
‘Let there be peace on Earth’, uttered his voice divine.
Tonight, when the Queen leaves, when all leave me alone,
Come to me and tell me about Macedon
And of him who vanquished Poros in India,
Illustrious for ever. Such a model, Meena!”
Meena, honored yet shy, is blushing since her King,
For history, prefers special private tutoring.
“Don’t fret yourself, Meena! You will be narrating!”
Says the King, “Mahendra will be there, attending.”
mlc 11/16/09
Sources: Arrian, Alexander’s Anabasis, 7. 8-9 and 7.11
(I imagine Alexander’s words in his prayer).
Opis: not far south of Baghdad, on the east bank of the Tigris river, near the Diyala River.
Dharma cannot be properly translated into English. Asoka used the Prakrit form: Dhamma. The approximate translation could be ‘Piety’. In his Greek Edicts, Asoka used the word ‘Eusebeia’, which means ‘Piety’.
"Victory by Dhamma is the foremost victory", 13th Major Rock Edict, R. Thapar and A.L. Basham's translation.
The poem is based on History, but does not claim to state historical events.

4 Answers
Community Member

It isn't clear that Alexander, rather than Ashoka, prayed for peace on earth.
Just a thought.
I like the poem.

Community Member

I do believe that Asoka's Dharma was, indeed, Meena.
The many faces, forms, of the Dharma are a joy to uncover, for their smile is reward enough!
When Meena brings the water cup, I was reminded of the river maid who saved Buddha's life, under the Bo Tree.
This is a beautiful poem, have much to share in this Poetry Section.
Good Morning to you.

Community Member

Yes, Mahendra will be attending!!
The word Dhamma is the Prakrit version of the Sanskrit word Dharma. Ashoka's approch towards her was reliable source for understanding Dharma Spirituality. the relation between two of them brings the most authoritative, highest quality information and sharing Raja dharma.
Let this poem looks in ti one with his histroy search for spiritual meaning of Samrat why he is not thirst.
These edicts are a code for how to lead life in a way that you become an inspiration for others. Ashoka believed that a king should treat his subjects the same way a father treats his children.
a nice insight Soniya!! do you felt meena with in you, while writting poem!!!

Community Member

After the war of Kalinga, Ashoka considered himself as an ordinary human - a servant of the people - leaving all paid servants. I can never agree if Ashoka has given any order at that time and all from his tongue were advices and requests only.
India had hundreds of Kings who all were born from the 'Manusmriti' for Law. They had the feeling of appointed King - unanimously elected by the people.