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Follow up Bipolar question?

For most of the year I have been manic and possibly obsessive. For three and a half years I was in a relationship and we were planning on getting married this coming spring. He has seen me depressed and been great with me. He really knows how to relate to me and help me when I’m sick with depression. But he had never seen me truly manic before. He didn’t realize I was being manic at all. I wasn’t letting anyone around me in on my obsessions and I wasn’t letting people know my wild ideas so he only saw the surface of my mania. I said hurtful things to him and he broke up with me in July. He said I had changed. That I didn’t know what I beleived in. Now I want to tell him that I’ve been sick. We were having other problems, he was having like a spiritual crisis.
When do I tell him that I’ve been manic? I have no contact with him right now. I want to respect that he needs to be away from me but I also want him to see the whole picture? Advice?
I was unclear about two points. He has known I have BP for years. He has just never seen me that manic and didn’t know hot to recognize it. Second, I am diagnosed and medicated.

11 COMMENTS

  1. just tell him. but my guess is he may think, since you’ve waited so long to tell him this, that you’re just pulling for strings and thinking up something desparate to get him back. then again, even if you do tell him the truth and he does believe you, you and your medical condition may be too much for him to handle. best of luck to you

  2. You could try apologizing by letter. If he wants to be left alone, you have no choice but to leave him alone. Bipolar disorder can be scary, if you don’t know how to recognize it. He may not be the one for you. If he can’t handle one manic episode, he may not be able to handle a lifetime with someone bipolar. Are you on meds? You may want to see someone.

  3. Be honest with him. Tell him you are bipolar…if he wonders why you didn’t tell him earlier, make sure you have a good answer for him…you will want to patch up any trust issues he might have. He will have to decide whether you can deal with this situation. It is better to know the complete story for both of you.
    Know that you just have an illness…like strep throat…it is nothing to be ashamed because your brain in the thing that is sick…and you certainly are not alone<<<>>>
    Good luck honey

  4. Well, I am bipolar and I usually tell the person I am with fairly early in the relationship. This reduces this problem altogether. But, I would give him a little time, writing a letter explaining that you have bipolar, and have had it for a long time, I would possibly apologize for not telling him sooner, especially if you have been dx with this. It is NOT something to be ashamed of, a lot of people have it, I know it is hard to admit at first, I have been there, but if you can’t admit it to the one’s you are close to, they aren’t going to be close to you for very long.
    If he doesn’t come back to you, I would take it as a lesson learned, not everyone can handle a person with bipolar. You may need to take some time, get yourself stabilized too, this would help with your relationships also. I wouldn’t go jumping into another relationship for awhile either.
    I hope this helps.

  5. Well if your bipolar is untreated/unmedicated—he is seeing the whole picture. His life and your life will be on YOUR bipolar roller coaster. And you also mentioned “other problems” as if this isn’t enough.
    I really don’t see this as a lasting marriage unless the bipolar and whatever else you are going through is worked out with a professional.
    Get help before the marriage.

  6. Have you been diagnosed by a doctor? If so, I would ask your psychologist to meet with you both so that he/she could explain the disease to your ex. Just ask him to come to the doctors with you as a supportive friend. Once he learns the truth about your condition he can then decide how he wants to respond to you. It is most important that you show him you are getting treatment and are taking care of yourself. Actions always speak louder than words. If he sees you are taking care of the situation he will be more inclined to try again. Of course, if your not getting treatment it would be very difficult for him to feel safe with you. It is up to you to show him that you are working on yourself, and want to work on a relationship with him after you take care of yourself. It is not his job to accommodate your moods if you are not helping yourself.

  7. It might also be possible that your bf left because he realized that he couldn’t handle the situation.
    For him knowing that you have bipolar, because you told him so, is something entirely different than living though it from day to day.
    My best advice is the one that has been given before: write him, explain what happened, propose to meet him.

  8. What I did was print things up about bi-polar. Make sure you print the stuff about the type you have. And show them to him or put them in his mail box if you guys aren’t talking. Make sure you print more things out about the manic stages than about the depressive stages you go through.
    BTW ….I don’t think your bi-polar is as under control as you think it is. He would probably tell you the same.

  9. sir i m jyoti sharma i m suffering from unknown depression three years mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha k mere th ye kya ho raha hai par mera achnak meri friend se milna hua jo k osho dhara se judi hui hai .unse milkar aisa laga k kuch asha ki kiran jagi or meine feel kiya k ho sakta hai k ye sab paramatma se attech hone k liye hi hua hai.plz mujhe suggest karein k mujhe sammohan pragya karni chahiye ya first level kyoki mujhe kisi ne sammohan k liye advice di hai plz help me mein.

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