Early mid-life crisis?

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I know it sounds crazy.
My husband is 26. We have been married 4 years. We have 2 small children and one on the way.
He has suddenly had a freak out moment. He wants to suddenly hang out with his friends. That’s okay but he always told me he didn’t need friends and told ME that I shouldn’t need friends either…
He then went out and got an eyebrow ring. That’s okay — BUT our spiritual beliefs are against piercings and tattoos (we had them before we converted but said we’d get no more).
He wants to buy a motorcycle. Really bad. He sits on the computer and looks at bikes all day. That’s okay — but in his country the saying goes if you get a motorcycle after you have kids you’re sure to kill yourself on it.
I suppose people change and all but all our ideals are just being thrown out the window and I’m not quite understanding.
What’s he doing? Is this a mid-life crisis? AT TWENTY SIX?!
Joe P — so how does the pregnant mother of two join in on the fun?
I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old that NEED me. My mother watches the children one weekend a month. I am the main caretaker and we are working class kids and cannot afford any nannies or maids. Got a decent sized house here and I have to clean it all by myself. He works 14 hours a day. I UNDERSTAND that he needs his outlet — I am not complaining about him needing friends but what about me? What about all the times that I had friends and he told me it was immature and infantile that I needed them? All the convincing of me that *I’m* the one with the problems and now he goes out and do this? Now what? You want me to get on a motorcycle, and we’ll just travel the US together, eh? I’m SIX moths pregnant, my back hurts and my bp jumps OFTEN when I’m ticked off.
He jumped into a situation (us and family life) that he can’t handle. That’s what I think. He’s breaking down on me. He’s breaking down on us.

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avidlyalive

I am going to ask …what else is he looking at online?
My mother always says “sex sells, babee” when it comes to men looking around and suddenly changing. Men at his age , unless there is a problem with his hormonal levels, is not going through that kind of change. He may be deciding to make up stupid and childish excuses in his head to change how he feels about family life. That is not your fault and don’t you forget that. It is not your fault.
And whatever you decide… do not imitate him.

Lovelykiaya

He is under alot of stress , its the baby on the way. you need to talk it out before he goes too far.

Tom M

26 is more a quarter life crisis.

Joe P

It does not sound like a mid-life crisis, between his countries beliefs and your religious beliefs it sounds like he has not been aloud to live at all and now he wants to live some. He is not cheating on you and all he wants to do is have some fun in life. Stop holding him back and join in on the fun or he may find someone who will.

terrytunes1958@sbcglobal.net

It sounds like he is not being fullfilled in his home life and he is seeking his past. It may be a fad or it may be more serious, but you have to confront him with your concerns before it gets out of hand. If you are unhappy, don’t just ignore this, because it may get worse. Nip it in the bud. Good Luck.

t jefferson

Okay, to not have friends is a very very bad sign. For him to not want you to have friends makes it seem like he’s an abuser, wanting to isolate you. Very very dangerous.
For him not to have friends would make him sick and needy and undeveloped.
Your ideals aren’t being thrown out the window – you guys are finally getting old enough to develop some real ideals, based on your own life experiences.
You were totally on the wrong track with your no friends stuff. I can’t emphasize enough how wrong and bad this is.
Good for him for growing! Thing is – is he gonna let you grow? Of course, with your small babies, you need to mostly be with them, and when you have your new baby, you need to be nursing on demand. Still, you can take a nursling places. You can socialize with other women with young ones.
But get out there and start living or you are not gonna believe the real mid-life crisis!

tjnstlouismo

Sounds like your husband woke up one day and realized that his youth was slipping away from him. At 26 he’s a husband, a father to an ever increasing brood and I image that’s all he can see in his life. Also sounds like he’s questioning his faith, which sounds restrictive.
He needs some serious counseling, but mostly he needs to understand that his life isn’t over because of his choices. Get him to a doctor for a physical, and make sure he isn’t depressed. That’s what it sounds like frankly.

mjm52

I think he’s just overwhelmed and scared. He’s longing for the days of no responsibility. My husband went through something similar when I was pregnant with our third child. I don’t know why the third child triggers this, but, everyone I know that’s gone through this it’s always on the third child. They all worked their way through it and settled down. It does take some time though. You can try talking to him about it by saying you’re nervous about having three children too. If you can get him to open up about it that may help. Good luck!

John H

no he’s just being a twenty six year old… and to be honest fair game on him.
The questions you should ask yourself are –
Is he any less loving towards you??
Do you trust him??
The rest is up to you.

Anjel

could it be he’s just afraid?
maybe fells that he’s missed out on something being young and a father?
I know that’s a sad and a pissy excuse, but think about it.
I don’t know your husband and I don’t want to put him in any category of “mid-life crisis”, but you both might want to talk about the prospect of family, responsibilities, job and life in general that involves commitment.
you are in my prayers

Kayjay04

This may sound a bit rude, but he sounds a bit immature. I mean, he seems like the choices he has made, being married, a father etc. are all things that may have happened so fast he had know idea what hit him! But that is NOT an excuse! You both need to communicate and let him know how important it is to you to have him 100% in your life. His desires seem to be selfish to a point and he may need to be reminded that now that you have kids, it is in no way about you two any more! Do you have good counseling through your church? A man must be there for his wife but a wife needs to know when her man needs extra attention. Maybe set some time aside and figure out what role you can play in his sense of completness. Pray that God speaks to his heart and your husband has ears to hear. Good Luck!

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