Home Discussion Forum Does this bit sound good?(book)?

Does this bit sound good?(book)?

I am not looking for “beta” reading or anything like that. It does need quite a bit of editing (I know).
Everything was explained in the book.
This is from a chapter called “Zephyr”, he is a character who was in this chapter earlier on.
“The light is an illusion, nothing more.”Eveck whispered, he realised her gaze was focused on something else and followed it slowly. There was a man, in a black and white suit; Commander Andrews. “Where is the security?”He barked, everyone frowned as they realised there were no security guards, there hadn’t been any in days.
They stayed quiet and Sal stared at Andrews, he had a very dark aura, this man was not what he seemed. Andrews spotted Sal and smiled, nobody noticed, it was a toothless smile and his eyes had something about them that wasn’t quite right.
Sal kept his gaze focused on him and Andrews put a hand to his mouth for a few moments, when he removed his hand there was a small set of teeth…they were growing very fast. Sal knew then that he wasn’t human, his teeth were now human-sized and he grinned at Sal, revealing brilliant white teeth.
Andrews walked towards them and stopped in front of Arieos,”Where is the abomination?”He demanded, Arieos thought for a moment and said,”Nyla? She’s not an abomination. She left with Scott yesterday.”Sal kept his gaze on Andrews and he smiled once more, taunting him.
“What is it, Salamand?”Andrews prompted, Sal held one arm against his own back and generated a ball of dark energy, “How do you know his name?”Eveck shouted, he was alarmed by how this man had just turned up, and nobody else was suspicious. Andrews had been gone three days, they’d been attacked and Eveck had destroyed half the building himself, where had Andrews been?
Thank you for reading, just wanna know if you’d read it (by “it”, I mean the book) or not.



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