I’ve read about Kundalini Syndrome-that if someone experiences a Kundalini awakening(Kundalini is the energy contained in a serpent-like coil at the spine at the 1st chakra and it can be moved up the chakras all the way to the crown-the 7th chakra at the top of the head. Doing that doesn’t cause an instant Kundalini Awakening though that’s a more involved process) without being prepared they can have some serious problems and that sometimes this happens spontaneously even to children in response to traumatic incidents including being born. I looked at my life and childhood and it seems to explain a great deal. Could a Meditation/Spiritual Teacher tell me for sure if I’m right?
I’ve always felt this very raw energy that I can just direct at things and immerse myself into things for long periods of time.
When I was a kid I distinctly remember getting freaked out from seeing a big green monster I thought was an alien after waking up. Could it just be a very weird dream or could it be a Kundalini Awakening? I know unprepared Kundalini Awakenings can sometimes have nasty side effects and my childhood was anything but easy or typical for that matter. I recognize what psychologists call post-conventional moral reasoning in very early childhood memories. But also had major problems with temper. This seems to be abating as I’ve learned to treat my emotions as alerts rather than part of myself, and not thinking of them as being positive or negative. I used to try to deny them thinking they’d just go away. That doesn’t work.
Even when I’ve been quiet, passive, timid as I was for most of my childhood I felt a strong energy inside me, a restless energy that wanted to get out, that wanted to do things. But I also felt too much anxiety most of the time to use it around people. As I’ve gained confidence in young adulthood people are starting to notice I’m like the opposite of who I was but personally I see it more as my real personality surfacing.
There was lots of depression. I’ve been dxd with OCD and Anxiety problems. Looking at my past it also could fit Asperger’s. Since that involves very long periods of intense focus and there are many meditations(the basic one is to focus on nothing but meditation can also be used to focus on single things) the argument could be made that people with Asperger’s/Autism are in a state of meditation when engaged in special interests. Could my problem really be that I’m in a constant state of meditation and still haven’t fully figured out how to direct and control it?
I can do weird things like closed-eye synesthesia and have been able to do this but didn’t recognize that this was anything out of the ordinary until recently.
Other things-When I was a teenager I decided to experiment to see if I could voluntarily hallucinate. And it worked. I made myself hear a commercial jingo in my head exactly the same way as if I had really heard it. I even asked my mom if she had just heard it and she said no. This scared me and I never tried it again because I was afraid I would lose control of the power to make myself voluntarily hallucinate and develop psychosis.
I also remember having lingering and intense thoughts about the dream lasting for several years, especially while I was heavily fascinated by aliens in grade school and even found myself wondering if it meant anything.
I also have a memory of a dream in early childhood where this older kid/teenager/young adult was standing at the top of the basement stairs. He was going to die and wanted me to save him. I bluntly told him “so what? everybody dies.” I only vaguely remember his appearance, but here’s what’s scary. He almost seems like he looked like me at an older age. Other than not remembering exact appearance the dream is bizarrely clear in my memory for dreams from that age. I’m not sure if it happened after or before the monster/alien dream.