An educational excerpt on Discordian Magick–Think you can figure it?






Okay, this is a discussion on magick, eh? Whoa, like,
conjuring demons, throwing hexes, and predicting the futunre?
Manipulation of the Hodge/Podge to TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION?! No.
First off, any demons that might be around aren’t gonna waste time
with Discordians (they’re after the Greyfaced Religions, ’cause
the guilt they can lay on them…). Throwing hexes is painful, and
bad for the joints. And if you are worried about the future, and
world domination, then you have no business trying out magick
anyway. So, like, what is Discordian magick, eh? Okay, Discordian
Magick is a way in which the Discordian practicing it (called a
Phool) to either add to or create Eristic Vibes or to deflect or
destroy Aneristic Vibes.
Some Terms:
Vibes: Psycho-emotional energy given off be humans and other
Eristic: Pertaining to Eris; pertaining to chaos in general.
Aneristic: Against Eris; pertaining to order in general.
Phool: one who is aware of the presence an actions of Vibes
and uses Discordian Magick to manipulate the same
Face: An aspect of Discordian Magick; the category of magick
Nature: The end-product of Discordian Magick
Hodge: The pseudo-Zen force of Order in the world
Podge: The pseudo-Zen force of Chaos in the world
The Doctrine: things have a tendency to work out ok in the end
Ju-Ju: The “aftershocks” of Discordian Magick; the long-term
The Sacred Chao: The image of the Hodge and Podge.
Greyface: One who unconsciously generates Aneristic Vibes.
THEM: A group who consciously generates Aneristic Vibes;
Phools gone Greyface.
Discordian: One who unconsciously generates Eristic Vibes.
Norm: A normal, vibe-unaware, guy-on-the-street. Typically
Aneristic, due to the great amount of ambient Aneristic Vibes
in the world.
Vibes: what they be.
Okay, vibes are like energy which is given off by all
creatures. You may know of Vril or Kirlian Aura or Alpha Waves or
some other nonsense. Vibes may or may not be them, its really not
important. What IS important is that they exist, and if they
exist, then they can be manipulated and created and destroyed.
(Destroying waves can be bad Ju-ju. Be careful.) How do we know
vibes are there? Because, if you open up, you can feel them.
You’re being hit by them all the time, just most people aren’t
aware of them. Next time someone is being extremely chaotic,
notice how that person’s actions and presence affect you… the
same for someone being extremely ordered. Sometimes, the vibes
can change your mood, your attitude, even y our health. So, now
that I know the vibes are there, what can I do with them? Okay,
eh? So, there are two basic kinds of vibes: Eristic and Aneristic.
Eristic Vibes are pulses of chaotic energy, while Aneristic Vibes
are pulses of ordered energy… this means the fundamental
concepts of chaos and order, not the waves themselves. (I.E. if
vibes have a structure, both Eristic and Aneristic probably have
the same structure. It is the kind of energy which differs, not
the structure.)Eristic Vibes USUALLY cause Chaos, Discord and
Confusion (the first three Faces (q.v.)) and Aneristic Vibes
USUALLY cause Beurocracy and Aftermath (the last two Faces). I say
USUALLY because, like most things, there are several occasions
when the five will cross over. A Phool must learn to appreciate
the spinning of the Chao, and the counter-push-pull of the Hodge
and Podge, and learn when Eristic Vibes are needed, and when
Aneristic Vibes are needed. As a very general rule, the world
needs more Eristic Vibes… there are far more Greyfaces in the
world than there are Discordians.


  1. Procedure for Discordian magick:
    1. Get hand lotion.
    2. Jerk off furiously
    3. Claim you’re enlightened
    4. Wipe hands on pants, repeat as necessary

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