A succubus keeps calling my Suzy?

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Every time I feed my pet cat dead chipmunk he opens up the space time stream so a succubus walrus in a tank top may eat my shogoth. I tried calling her ex boyfriend Dave,but he thinks I want her to dance on my dogs artwork. My dog is a homicidal maniac who would love nothing more then to have tea with the succubus. But every time I try to give him some Jasmin tea, I end up missing my naughty bits. What do I do?

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well… you are completely insane and rambling so you should probably get on some medication. OR….. you need to immediately slather your self in mayonnaise and run through the mall naked… obviousely!


layman’s terms please.

No Name

Ughh I hate when my cat does that. Just stop feeding it the chipmunk, I’m sure that’s what caused it when it happened to me. I suggest 3-week old cow blood to replace your cats water (full of healthy nutrients that calm down the cat’s urge to open the space time stream), and feed it squirrels instead of the chipmunk (be sure not to give it any of the brain pieces, though, because it can cause nausea in your cat),
Assuming your cat eats this, in about 2 days the space time stream will shut down and never be opened by your cat again. And keep Dave away from her, I can already tell it’s causing problems in her life and you can’t put that amount of stress and pressure on her. Wait for her to accept the fact that they’re no longer together.
And about your homicidal dog… I know a great vet, I can give you the number if you want. But if you wanted a tip from ME, all I can say is never let anyone dance on your dogs artwork because that just may be the cause of your dog’s homicidal tendencies.

Samantha G

You play the enchantment song the succubus sings backwards and it goes back to Hell. Everyone knows that.

Gender Bedder 3

Have sex with the succubus walrus and get your homicidal dog pregnant.


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